


Beauty and the Handyman

by ApocolypticBorito42



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 22:52:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12285912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApocolypticBorito42/pseuds/ApocolypticBorito42
Summary: Melody moving into town? Good! Townspeople suddenly growing more and more agitated as the days go on? Strange. But that's just the norm in this town . . . right?





	1. Today's the Day

BEEP BEEP!

BEEP BEEP!

SLAM!

The moment he heard the droning buzzes of his alarm clock on the nightstand next to his bed, he was instantly pulled from his slumber (though he barely caught an ounce of sleep), raised his fist and practically slammed his fist down on the infernal contraption making said noise. 

Not in a fit of annoyance from being awoken, but out of excitement. 

Soos was not normally a very good morning person, against the popular beliefs of his colleagues. It took the man child a good half hour before he became his usual clueless, loveable self. 

Not this time though. 

Today, he actually had another reason for springing out of bed with such energy.

Not that he needed any other motivation to get out of bed besides going to work at the Mystery Shack, working under the watchful but caring eye of his employer or assisting his best friends with either household chores around the shack, or assisting them in some sort of paranormal adventure which he and they will learn valuable life lessons almost every time. It was pretty much just about the best job anyone could hope for:

Handy man. 

Sure it wasn’t much, sure it didn’t pay great, but he didn’t care of any of that. He was actually a needed and valuable member of the crew, and there was nothing more he could want. 

No, scratch that. 

If Soos still had that time wish the twins went out of their way for just to get him and cheer him up on one of his most despised days of the year, he would wish for this.

He barely caught any sleep that night, but he felt as well rested and ready to face the day as ever. 

That’s because she’s coming. 

She’s coming back.

Soos slipped on his trademark question mark shirt along with his shorts before looking over at the computer sitting on his desk, its monitor vacant of any imagery, but still causing the handy man to crack a smile at the last face he saw last night.

That smile that melts his heart when he’s in any sort of bad mood, that bouncy, beautiful hair that, when the sun catches it just right, gives off an aura so comforting that there’s no possible way to be upset with anything negative that the world can throw in your direction. 

He’s found literally nothing to be wrong with the woman.

Looking at himself in the reflection of his blank monitor, Soos licked his palm and flattened out his hair with his damp hand before slapping on his cap. He flashed himself a toothy smile and a confident thumbs up before another thought came to him. He held out his palm in front of his mouth and breathed into it, taking a sniff of his morning breath. Shivering in disgust, Soos reached down on the desk and took the unopened can of Pitt Cola, snapping it open and taking a long swig, setting it down with a satisfied breath of contempt. 

“Yes!” He shouted, pumping his fist. 

He hurriedly ran down the stairs and was surprised to be greeted by the strong aroma of pancakes and the satisfying sound of bacon sizzling on a frying pan. He rounded a corner and found his abuelita standing in front of the stove, flipping a pancake in a pan with one hand and tending to the bacon with the other. 

“Abuelita, what’s all this?” Soos questioned with gratitude to his elderly caregiver.

If she was surprised by his sudden entrance, the woman showed no sign of it. 

“Good morning, Soos,” she greeted. “You’re just in time for-“

“A bowl of Lucky Oats with orange juice poured inside and a side of chocolate chip omelets?” Soos cut her off, a hint of childlike hope dripping in his voice.

“And prune juice,” she added, taking a carton of said juice and setting it on the kitchen table.

Soos took a seat and watched as she laid down a pancake, three strips of bacon on the plate in front of him and set a smaller plate containing the omelet next to it. 

“Abuelita, you’re too good to me, ya know that?” 

She planted a kiss on his forehead. 

“Nothing’s too good for my Mr. Rodriguez. Especially not on a day like today . . .” She trailed off playfully.

“Like today?” Soos asked, his mouth full of doughy pancakes as he looked in her direction. 

“Soos, don’t pretend I don’t know the two of you are getting together tonight. I can hear you talking up there.” 

It was true, whenever Soos spoke with her via video chat, he couldn’t help but speak awkwardly loud as he did, letting almost all of Gravity Falls know of his conversation with the girl from Portland. 

But he didn’t care. 

He wants nothing more than to let the rest of the world know he was courting the most gorgeous woman to walk this earth. 

Except now she was coming back. She’d informed him last night that she’d be coming to town along with a surprise. He didn’t have to settle for a small image of her radiant face on his screen for the night, pleasing her with cheap optical illusions.

He blushed and hid his face from her as he took another bite of his breakfast.

Later,

Broom in hand, Soos swept the floor of the shack, dragging a large pile of dust from under the counter, currently occupied by the redheaded cashier, sitting on her stool and resting her chin in her palm as she absentmindedly read from her latest issue of BORED magazine. 

Wendy popped her gum and flashed Soos a smile as he passed by and swept a new cluster of dust bunnies from under her counter. 

As he collected the pile into a dust pan, a cry of anger came from behind. Turning around, he found a little boy standing in front of the vending machine, rapidly pushing the buttons of the machine that had recently stole his money. 

Setting the broom down, Soos calmly strolled over to the vending machine and stood on the side, gaining the attention of the child.

“Oh, sorry about that little dude. The machine does that from time to time.” The boy looked down at the floor dejectedly. Soos leaned down and offered the boy an encouraging smile. “But luckily for you, you know a guy on the inside.”

Slapping the side of the machine, the door magically came unlocked and slid open. Soos then grabbed a bag of chips from the selection and handed it to the now grateful kid. Soos then tapped his chin thoughtfully. 

“Although, the machine did technically steal your money . . .” He reached into his pocket and dug out a dollar bill and handed it to the child. “We’ll keep this between us, okay dude?” 

The kid nodded vigorously and ran back to his mother. 

Soos leaned against the machine and closed the door. Looking back over to Wendy, the teen flashed him a smile and a thumbs up of approval, which Soos happily returned. 

Soos put the broom back in the closet and grabbed a feather duster. Returning to the gift shop, Soos went over to the shelves, taking the inventory off of it and brushing over the shelf with the duster, humming to himself and not worrying about the layers of dust building in his eyes. 

A moment after he restocked the shelf, the door dinged and in came a new set of customers who have returned from a tour that Stan had lead them on. Looking out the window, Soos saw the tuxedoed man leaning on his customized eight ball cane with his back facing him, awaiting the next wave of chumps he could help lose a few extra bucks.

As Soos continued to dust, he heard a small girl speaking quickly and excitedly to her mother about some bobble.

“Mommy! Can we get it?! Can we? Can we?”

Her mother only laughed at her child’s energy and patted her head. “Sure honey. Go find it and bring it to me.”

Squealing with joy, the girl ran over to Soos’ side and looked up at the shelving, her mouth agape with anticipation. A moment later, the girls’ face fell, causing Soos’ heart to plummet in empathy as he saw moisture building up in the child’s eyes.

“W- . . . Where is it? Where’s the snow globe?”

Her mother came up from behind and took a knee, placing a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “I guess they ran out, dear. Come on now, daddy’s waiting in the car. We’ve got to go.”

“But I want the snow globe!” The heartbroken child wailed.

That was the last straw for Soos. There was no way he was going to let a child leave the shack without having found what they were looking for. 

The handy man set the duster down and bent down to her level, catching her attention. “Here’s what’s going to happen,” Soos began confidently, “your daddy isn’t going to leave without you and I’m not letting you leave here empty handed. Stay here, I’ll be back!” For dramatic effect, Soos raised both hands over his head Superman-style and ran for the doorway leading to the stairs. “Handy man . . . Away!” He exclaimed, causing the young child to erupt into a series of chuckles.

Once he was out of sight, Soos ran down the stairs and into the cellar where they stash the shop’s inventory until they’re ready to be shelved. Humming softly to himself again, Soos opened many boxes, but could not find the snow globe the child was looking for. 

Panic overtaking him, he opened more and more boxes, not even bothering to rip the tape off and just tearing the cardboard open, letting the packaging peanuts and the box’s contents spill onto the floor. 

He still couldn’t find the snow globes. 

A desperate idea sprung into his head. 

He dashed up the stairs, avoiding the entrance to the gift shop, not wanting to enter without the snow globe and crush the girl’s hopes. 

Coming to his destination, Soos threw the door open, startling the occupants. 

The Pines twins, his two greatest friends in the entire world lay on their respective beds. Dipper reading the journal he refused to let out of his sight and Mabel laying upside down reading a magazine with her head hanging over the edge, her long hair covering the floor. 

“Soos?” Dipper asked. “Is something the matter? Why are you panting?”

“MABEL!” Soos exclaimed, ignoring Dipper’s questions. “We have a code three dash A. I repeat, a three dash A!”

Mabel dropped her magazine and sat up straight in her bed, her silly, absentminded expression replaced with one of pure seriousness. 

“Let’s do this,” the preteen whispered. Mabel rocketed over to the door and Soos slammed it shut behind the two of them, leaving a confused Dipper in their wake.

Mabel and Soos quickly made their way down the stairs. “Okay Soos, talk to me,” Mabel instructed, keeping her serious face, “what’s it we’re looking for? A stuffed animal? A postcard?” She gasped. “Is it a postcard with a stuffed animal on the front?!”

Soos shook his head. “It’s a snow globe.”

Mabel clucked her tongue and scratched her chin in thought. “Mhmm, mhmm, those are popular . . . And you say you looked in the cellar?”

“If I hadn’t I wouldn’t be here!”

“You got me there. Soos, get ready, cuz we’re gonna turn this place upside down looking for that snow globe!” 

Soos nodded in agreement, a look of identical seriousness on his face as well before the two began flipping the couch cushions, digging through the fireplace, looking behind the TV, and looking inside Stan’s prized rocking chair for a snow globe.

“I know we have one!” Soos cried in desperation. “We had a shipment come in just last week! We couldn’t have-“

“Up there!” The child exclaimed, interrupting Soos from his declaration of surrender and looking in the direction Mabel was pointing.

Up on a shelf in the living room was a spare snow globe Stan must have put while unloading the shipment. 

Soos looked down at the child gratefully and gave her a thumbs up. “This is why I take you places.”

Mabel shot Soos a genuine salute. 

Making his way over to the shelf, Soos reached up to grab the globe, but found he was not tall enough to reach. 

“It’s too far! Just like the distance from my elbow to my mouth!” 

Mabel walked up beside him. 

She nodded.

He nodded in return.

The handy man leaned down and lifted Mabel up for her to reach the globe which displayed the Mystery Shack in the center, giving the illusion that the Oregon town was experiencing a major blizzard. 

She grasped the glass globe. 

“Got it-Whoa!”

The moment her stubby hands grabbed the item, she lost her grip and dropped it. Soos, acting on instinct, let Mabel go with one hand, protectively cradling her under his right arm as not to drop her while he caught the snow globe with the other. The two of them let out a sigh in unison.

RING-A-LING-A-LING-A-LING!

Soos’ heart plummeted farther as he looked through the doorway and into the gift shop. There, he saw the mother escorting the heartbroken child from the building, a comforting hand placed on her back.

“Not getting that snow globe will traumatize me forever . . .” the girl whispered.

Soos instantly sprang into action. Setting the girl he held in his arms down on the floor as gently as he could, Soos made a run for the entrance, holding the snow globe outstretched in front of him.

“Wait!” He yelled as he burst into the gift shop, startling Wendy and the other shoppers. Soos took another running step further, but accidentally tripped over his own foot. 

Holding the snow globe safely overhead, the not-so-graceful giant plummeted face first to the floor, his arm propped upwards, protecting the snow globe from any harm. 

Wendy let out a startled cry. “Oh my gosh! Soos!”

Before Soos could reply, he heard the pitter patter of tiny feet walking over in his direction. Looking up from the floor, the bruised man looked up at the radiant face of the child, a smile on her face that did not appear to be leaving anytime soon.

“The snow globe! Mommy! The funny man found it!”

Soos rose to his feet and dusted himself off before handing it to the mother, who had walked over to her daughter. She flashed Soos a grateful smile before purchasing the globe and exiting the shop. 

Soos, his mission completed, lost feeling in his tired legs and stumbled over to the counter where he had to support his weight. Panting heavily, he found Wendy looking him in the eye, beaming at the hero.

“Way to go, big guy.” She affectionately punched Soos in the shoulder.

“Th-thanks Wendy.”

Before Soos could take in anymore gulps of air, he felt a blunt force crash into him from behind. Turning around, he found Mabel hugging his torso tightly, snuggling her face into his belly. “Soos! You did it! You totally made that girl’s life!” Mabel praised, making Soos chuckle nervously as he rubbed the back of his head.

“I dunno dude, I don’t think I’d go that far.”

“C’mon man. Don’t sell yourself short,” Wendy told him. “You totally did make her day. Did you see those eyes? Bambi would kill for that kind of cuteness.”

“I’m just happy I could help make a satisfied customer even more satisfied!” Soos told the two girls. 

A thought came to the man. 

“Hey Mabel, do you think you and your brother could do me a favor? I have to go get ready for my . . . uh . . . what is it you call it? When a guy and a girl . . . you know . . .”

Wendy suddenly flashed him a surprised look. “Whoa dude! At least wait until you’re married for that!”

Soos waved his hand dismissively at the accusation. “No! Nothing like that. I mean, what comes before that,” he reiterated. “When, you know, the guy and girl talk and eat and . . . eat.”

Mabel gasped in understanding. 

“Soos has a date!”

In a panic, Soos clasped his hand over the girl’s mouth, silencing her for a moment, only to let her go free once he felt her licking his hand. Rubbing his palm on his shorts, the girl began running around wildly, flailing her arms inside the arms of her sweater and squealing uncontrollably. 

Came to a stop at Soos’ feet and bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet. 

“So?” She pried. “Who’s the lucky misses Soos?”

Soos’ face reddened at the comment. “Actually, you and Dipper have met her before. It’s-“

“What the heck’s going on in here?” 

Looking back to the cutout doorway, the trio found Dipper walking in. “Mabel, why are you-“

“Soos has a date!” She repeated.

Dipper gasped in surprise before smiling at his friend. “Really? Awesome man! With who?”

“That’s the thing. You’ve met her once. It’s Melody. Remember? From the mall?”

Mabel let out another squeal of delight as her pupils instantly dilated and she brought her hands up to her cheeks. “Melody’s back in town? Soos! Why didn’t you tell us?”

Soos chuckled nervously. “Heheh, I kinda wanted it to be a surprise, y’know? Plus, I was wondering if you guys could do a favor for me,” he whispered to Wendy, Dipper and Mabel. 

“Anything dude,” Wendy answered. “If you need help with the ladies, you can count on us.”

Later,

“Okay dudes, so you all know what to do?” Soos asked for the umpteenth time.

“Yes, of course we do!” Mabel comforted him. “We’ve been over it like a gagillion times! Don’t worry. We’ll be there for you.”

Soos nodded gratefully at his friends as he turned his attention to the front door of the Mystery Shack.

It was now six o’clock and all of the tourists have left for the day. Soos had given her directions to the shack and was now anxiously awaiting her arrival. 

“You don’t think she got lost, do you? It’s easy to get lost around this town.” Soos stressed.

Dipper shook his head. “Soos, you’re overthinking this big time. She’ll be here. Just give it a little time.”

Soos nodded at his friend’s advice and redirected his attention to the door. 

Six fifteen. She still hadn’t come. 

Soos began to pace nervously. 

KNOCK KNOCK.

Soos froze in place and looked to the screen door.

The silhouette of her was standing on the other side. 

He gulped.

Looking behind him, Soos saw Dipper and Wendy giving him an encouraging thumbs up while Mabel put on a wide, tooth-filled smile and pointing at her face, reminding him to smile. 

With an awkward smile, Soos opened the door. 

There she was. 

Melody.

In the flesh.

Not on his monitor on his desk in his room. 

Right in front of him, her smile now in beautiful three dimensions. 

“Hey Soos,” she greeted sweetly. 

“Melody! Hi. You look, um . . .” he looked to his palm, “insert flattering compliment here,” he read robotically, causing the trio behind him to slap their foreheads. 

To their surprise, Melody let out a cute chuckle. “May I?” She asked politely, gesturing to the inside. 

“Oh! Right!” He stepped aside and allowed Melody inside. “You remember Dipper and Mabel from the mall, right?”

Dipper politely waved while Mabel made a heart with her hands and placed Melody and Soos inside of it, beaming at her creation. 

“And this is Wendy, my other coworker.” 

Wendy waved at the girl who had stolen her friend’s heart. “Sup? I’m Wendy. Soos has told us a lot about-”

“You ready to go?” Soos interrupted as he picked up the picnic basket he prepared, not wishing his friends to go into too much detail.

“Ready when you are,” Melody shrugged. Soos held open the door and she offered one last wave to Soos’ friends. “It was nice to meet you all!” She exclaimed as she made her way out.

Dipper, Wendy and Mabel waved back. Soos, making sure Melody wasn’t looking, flashed them a knowing thumbs up, which they each returned with a mischievous grin on each of their faces. Soos nodded and stepped outside, closing the door behind him.

Wendy placed herself in between her young partners in crime, placed a hand on their shoulders and dropped down to one knee. “You guys ready for this?”

In response, Mabel lifted a pair of googely eyed glasses to her face. “I came into existence ready,” she breathed ominously, only for the eyes on her glasses to pop out of the frame and dangle humorously on springs. 

“Kids?” The voice of their great uncle came from the living room. “Why is the place an absolute mess?! And where did my snow globe go?!”

The kids took that as their cue to leave.

Meanwhile,

Soos drove the Mystery Kart through the path in the woods with Melody riding shotgun, her hands resting on her lap in contempt as she gazed at the scenery of the Gravity Falls woods.

Soos cleared his throat. “So . . . this is the woods.”

Melody laughed at his awkward conversation starter. “Yep. Very woodsy,” she agreed with another laugh, making Soos sigh happily.

He would be a happy man if he could listen to that laugh every day for the rest of his life.

“So,” she spoke up again, “where is it we’re going exactly Soos? You taking me out into the woods where no one can hear me scream?” She teased.

“Heheh,” Soos chuckled nervously. “No, nothing like that. We’re heading to Lake Gravity Falls. I’ve got a boat ready for us there. But we have to park the kart a little ways away, so we’ll have to walk a bit.” 

“Sounds great!” Melody beamed. “That’ll give me a better chance to get a look at this place. I don’t get to get out much, what with work and all.”

“How’s that going by the way?” Soos asked, genuinely interested in her work schedule. “You still work over at Meat Cute, right?”

She nodded. “Yep. Actually, that’s part of the surprise. I’ll be sure to tell it to you if you don’t crash into that tree in front of us.”

Taking her hint, Soos narrowly avoided a large tree and corrected himself back onto the path. 

Not wishing to put her in harm’s way, Soos stopped the kart and turned it off. 

“Welp, here’s where we walk!”

Melody shrugged and exited the kart, the picnic basket in her grasp. “Lead the way,” she invited. 

Soos nodded and began to walk with Melody by his side. He could feel heat building up in his cheeks and did his best to make his reddened face as inconspicuous as possible. As soon as he was sure the flowing blood had receded, Soos cleared his throat.

“So . . . nice night, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah. It’s really pretty,” Melody acknowledged the setting sun in the distance.

With one hand holding the basket, Melody placed her other hand in her pocket and let out a surprised, silent gasp as her fingers brushed against a familiar, small, triangular object that occupied her pocket. 

She had forgotten all about it.

Don’t worry. Have a good time and you’ll deal with this later, she thought to herself.

“Hey Melody,” he began, taking a look at the foliage around them.

“Yes?” 

“Just to let you know, there, uh, are a lot of weird things that happen around here in the woods. Like, super weird, sometimes creepy things go on here. But don’t worry, I don’t think we’ll run into any problems out here.”

“Oh, I don’t have anything to be worried about,” she said confidently.

“You don’t?”

“Of course not. You’re here with me.”

The heat returned to his face in a flash.

Thankfully, a nearby rustling bush diverted their attention to it. 

Soos smiled. 

“Uh oh, Melody. Get behind me!” With fake confidence, Soos threw himself in front of her with his arms spread out wide, acting as a shield from something Melody couldn’t see.

“What? Soos? What’s wrong?”

Soos craned his neck to look her in the eyes, a sly smile on his face that he couldn’t help but wear.

The bush in front of them stopped shaking, only to have a black object jump from it, causing Melody to let out a startled gasp . . . then raise an eyebrow in confusion.

The thing that jumped from the bush wasn’t a monster that Soos had led her to believe it was, but rather . . . it was Dipper. He wore no shirt and was wearing the furry pants of his werewolf costume Stan made him wear from time to time. A tail came out from his backside and he had on a set of fake wolf ears. In his mouth were plastic fangs that dripped with saliva. His eyes were narrowed on the two and his hands were raised like claws. He growled at them pathetically, but not breaking character for his friend.

“What the?” Melody couldn’t help but question, but unable to do so anyway as Soos leapt into action.

“Vile beast!” Soos overdramatically yelled as he sprang in front of Dipper, who continued to growl.

Catching on, Melody, a large smile on her face and a fit of giggles working her way up to her mouth played the role of damsel in distress.

“Oh Soos!” She wailed, placing the back of her hand atop her forehead. “Don’t let that thing eat me!” 

“Don’t worry Melody! It’s all under control!” Leaning down, the gentle giant picked up a stick and waved it in front of Dipper. “Take this!” He stabbed at Dipper’s side harmlessly, the tween grabbing it and selling the illusion that he had just been stabbed. Letting out a series of choked screams, Dipper collapsed to the ground motionless, his tongue lolling out of his mouth.

“You did it!” Melody clapped excitedly, another fit of giggles escaping her, making her snort with laughter. 

“Let’s get outa here!” Soos suggested as he grabbed her hand and led her deeper into the foliage. The two of them began laughing uncontrollably as they ran, making them lose their breath and come to a stop in the middle of the woods, gasping for breath.

“You were . . . heheheh,” Melody gasped, “You were so . . . brave back there . . . Soos.”

He waved off her compliment. “Think nothing of it,” he said confidently, not breaking character. “But we’d better hurry, there are other-“

Before he could finish his warning, another bush began to rustle right next to them.

Before Melody could go back into her role of damsel in distress, another figure burst from the bush, this time with long, lanky arms. 

It was Mabel this time, Melody recognized, dressed in a one piece swimsuit and wearing a comical pair of googely eye glasses on springs. Her arms were stuffed inside long pink and green pool noodles. She waved them in the air menacingly with rambling incoherently. 

“Another one!” Melody laughed. “Go get it, Soos!”

“With pleasure.”

Soos only took two steps forward before Mabel ran up to him, the pool noodles flailing uncontrollably in her arms. 

“RAWRGH! I will destroy your faucets!” She threatened loudly.

“You leave her faucets alone!” Soos demanded as he reached forward and yanked off her left pool noddle. She cried in ‘pain’ and held her arm behind her back, having just been amputated. 

Soos then proceeded to whack Mabel harmlessly with the foam noodle until she fell to the ground, not moving an inch beside the occasional twitch. 

Soos dropped the noodle and ran back to Melody.

“Let’s go! The lake isn’t that far now!”

Laughing even more, Melody followed Soos through the dense foliage. 

Soon, the sound of crashing waves became evident. They burst through the last layer of the forest and onto the beach. Resting in the sand peacefully was a white rowboat awaiting their arrival. 

“Quick! Get in!” Soos instructed.

Her smile still not gone, Melody complied, still clutching the basket as she hopped inside. Soos grabbed the front of the boat and pushed it into the water, grunting as he did so. He was ankle deep in the water until he found himself able to climb inside along with Melody, being wary to not get her wet with his sopping wet shoes.

They slowly drifted away from the shore as Soos continued to pant heavily. 

“I think we lost them.” 

“My hero!” Melody cried dramatically, grasping both of Soos’ hands and holding them tightly to herself. “You were so brave! You beat that monster to death with its own arm! That’s so . . . disgustingly cool!”

“Yeah. It kind of was gross, wasn’t it? Welp,” he clapped his hands and rubbed them together. “Hows about we get to eating? Saving you builds up an appetite.”

Melody giggled again in response. “Sounds good.” She took the basket and placed it on the floor in between them. Reaching inside, Soos took out two ham sandwiches for the both of them. They began eating as realization seemed to strike Melody. 

“Oh! Soos, that’s right, I wanted to tell you something!” 

Soos continued eating. 

“The surprise,” she reminded him. 

He swallowed. “Right! So . . . what is it? You’re not like a dude in disguise, are you?” 

Melody shook her head. “Nope, no worries there. It’s about my job. Remember you asked earlier? Well, my boss had my kiosk permanently relocated.”

“Oh?” Soos asked, worry dripping in his voice. “Where? It isn’t somewhere far, is it?”

“No, silly. It’s here! I’ve been stationed at the Gravity Falls mall. I am renting an apartment not far from there.”

Soos felt his heartbeat kick up instantly. “Y-you mean you . . .”

Melody nodded. “You’re going to be seeing a lot more of me, Soos.”

Soos had mo idea what to do next. He didn’t know how to react, what to say, what to do, he even thought he forgot how to breathe for a brief moment. 

He was blindsided with this new information that the girl of his dreams was now a resident of Gravity Falls.

“That’s great!” Was all that Soos was able to say, which was all that Melody really needed.

The two leaned in from their seats and embraced each other in a tight hug. The hug only lasted a few moments, however, as a series of bubbles began to rise against the side of the boat, drawing their attention to it. 

Soos had been so enveloped in his joy that he entirely forgot about the third part of his elaborate plan.

Not five seconds later, another large figure burst from the water, this one quite taller than the first two monsters they came across. But Melody recognized the three faces immediately. 

Stacked one on top of the other was Mabel, who was sitting atop of Dipper’s shoulders, who in turn was sitting on Wendy’s, who was wearing a one piece swim suit of her own. Mable still had her noodle arms flailing wildly at the top of the human pyramid and Dipper still sported his werewolf costume.

Soos, returning to his role of fearless defender, reached under the seat in the boat and pulled out a large water gun that was taped to the bottom of his seat. Taking aim, Soos pumped the gun and pulled the trigger. A trail of water hitting Mabel in the face. The girl only laughed menacingly in reply and continued thrashing wildly. 

“It’s no use!” Soos cried. “Melody! I need your help!” 

“What? What am I-“

“Look under your seat!” Soos instructed, not stopping from spraying the stacked monster in front of them.

Doing as she was told, Melody felt the water gun under her seat and tore the tape away, gripping the handle and spraying at the ‘monster’ as well. 

With Soos targeting the top and Melody the bottom, it wasn’t long before the three of them went toppling backwards into the water. Soos and Melody stood victoriously over the surfaced trio of friends and laughed heartily. “We did it, Melody!” Soos exclaimed excitedly as he pulled her into a tight hug. 

Taken aback by the sudden gesture, Melody soon dissolved into the hug and returned it, an ominous smile spreading on her face.

Pulling back, Soos saw the look on her face and quirked an eyebrow. 

“Uh . . . Melody?”

Before he could question any further, Melody aimed her gun at Soos’ face and fired point blank, sending a torrent of water into his face. Attempting to shield himself, Soos accidentally tripped over the side and fell into the water. 

He resurfaced and spat out his mouthful of water, listening to the loud laughter behind him, but looking up at the girl who sent him plummeting into the drink, an almost evil look in her eye flashed at him.

He flashed her an evil look of his own.

“Oho, it is so on,” he warned.

Gripping the side of the boat, Soos rocked it violently. Losing her balance, Melody fell into the water next to her friends. She resurfaced and wiped the water from her eyes. Shooting Soos an unappreciative glance before she splashed a small wave of water into his face, which he then returned.

It wasn’t long until Soos and Melody, along with Dipper, Mabel and Wendy erupted into a massive splash fight, shouting playful empty threats at one another as they did.

Soos chuckled as he watched Melody and Mabel gain up on Dipper and Wendy. 

His laughter died down as he took in the scene before him.

His best friends.

The girl of his dreams.

All getting along and having a fantastic time.

There was nothing else he could possibly want.

Meanwhile,

The fire crackled, displaying the image of the five figures having a splash fight in the lake. 

“Oh come on!” A voice called, watching the scene in the fire. “Change the fire! This is too disgusting!”

“If you don’t like it, then go find another fireplace!”

“Brothers!” Another ragged voice interrupted. “Enough. You do nothing but fight each time we awaken and I’m not going to listen to it any longer! We’ve found our town, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

The two other figures nodded.

“Now then,” he continued, “all we have- heheheheheh, we have to do is, hehehehe,” he stopped chuckling and cleared his throat, only for another eruption of twisted chuckles to escape from his chops. As soon as he had it under control, he continued. 

“All we have to do is wait for her to hold up her end of the bargain. And then . . . well, that part’s obvious.”

The comment prompted the other figures in the multiple fire lit cave to begin chuckling twistedly as well. The image of the fire then revealed the entire mountain town of Gravity Falls.

A.K.A., their next target.

“Wait a second,” one of them said, taking a closer glance into the fire. 

“Is . . . Is that homeless man wearing a bandage on his beard?”


	2. Not So Scary-Oke

“Hmm,” Soos tapped his chin thoughtfully, pondering carefully his next move. “I play . . . Elite of Spiders!” As he announced his move, he raised his card and slammed it on the table for his competitors to see.

“Not bad, Soos,” Dipper complimented his friend. “But you’ve fallen directly into my trap!” The twelve year old proudly declared, raising a card of his own and placing it on the table. “Nest of Demons! If I roll an eight or higher, your card is deemed useless, raising my defense points plus fifty!”

Soos gulped in suspense, raising his paranoid fists to his mouth to keep him from making any noises. “Don’t do it, dude. I thought we were friends!” 

“All is fair in time of war, Soos,” Mabel reminded him, sitting across from Dipper and adjacent to Soos on the fold-up card table in the middle of the gift shop, not wishing to disturb Stan as he sat in his favorite recliner in the living room in the next room, watching the most recent episode of Gossiping Housewives.

Dipper shook the die in his hands, his tongue sticking out in concentration before he let it loose and roll on the table . . . only for it to roll over the side and into the awaiting, open mouth of Waddles, who swallowed it in one gulp and waddled out of the room. 

Soos and Dipper sent Mabel a glare, to which the young girl only smiled and shrugged in reply. Afterward, she reached into the pocket of her custom made FRIEND SHIP sweater (which displayed the likes of her, Soos, Dipper, Stan and Wendy all on a poorly designed sail boat), and pulled out a clear plastic tube of more two more twenty sided die. 

“Don’t worry boys. I came prepared,” she giggled. 

“Would someone please explain this to me?” Came a gruff, irritated voice from the entrance leading into the living room. 

The trio’s attention was drawn to Stan, who was dressed in his tank top and boxers, his head lacking his trademark fez. He held under his right arm Waddles, who was panting happily. Holding out his left hand, Stan displayed a saliva ridden puddle in his palm with a familiar green twenty sided die resting in the middle.

Waddles oinked in innocence. 

“Sorry Grunkle Stan!” Mabel apologized to her summertime caregiver as she rose from her seat and retrieved her beloved farm animal as well as the dice slick with pig saliva. She dried it off in her sweater before throwing it to her brother’s awaiting hand. 

“Are you three still playing that dumb card game?”

“Swords of Nazgaroth isn’t dumb, Mister Pines,” Soos informed his boss. “It’s a strategy game that emphasizes wit and tactfulness over-“

“You wanna know what I’m hearing right now?” Stan rudely interrupted before blowing the three of them an unnecessarily loud raspberry in their direction and erupting into an uproarious belly laugh.

“Besides,” Stan continued after he calmed down and wiped a fake tear from his eyes, “aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for that date with the Meat Cute broad?”

“Um, Melody?” Dipper corrected.

Stan snapped his fingers. “Yeah, that dame!” 

“We’re going to meet later in the evening at the mall,” Soos informed them. “That reminds me, she said she wanted you guys to come along too!” He told Dipper and Mabel.

“Really?” Dipper asked, surprise evident in his tone. “What for? I thought she just wanted to spend more time with you.”

“After almost getting killed by a robot designed to sing children’s songs for our amusement that was possessed by an overly attached A.I. attempting to download my brain into the game she was produced in so we could be together for all eternity made her realize she wanted to get to know other people well before something similar happened to her.”

Dipper and Mabel exchanged confused glances before shrugging in indifference. 

“She also loved the act the three of you did for us yesterday and wants to get to know you more.”

“As long as I don’t have to do any stupid Lamby Lamby dances for her, I’m happy to do it,” Dipper stated with a smile. 

“So what are your guys’ plans once we get to the mall?” Mabel asked before her face contorted itself into a sly, knowing smile. “Does it involve ditching us two at some random kiosk so you two can run off and-“

Before Mabel could say something mindbogglingly inappropriate, Soos slapped his palm over the enthusiastic tween, silencing her.

“Hey, as long as you two aren’t on Mystery Shack property, then do whatever ya feel like!” Stan offered his Handy Man his two cents, wiping his still wet palm on his boxers. “Now if you’ll excuse me, Gossiping Houswives is onto something juicy,” he smiled, rubbing his hands together in anticipation, redirecting his attention to the TV in the room behind him. “No, Jerome! She’s only trying to use you!”

Stan exited the room, leaving the confused group of friends behind him.

“But seriously, Soos,” Dipper Continued, “what are you planning on doing at the mall tonight?”

At this, Mabel let out an excited gasp while slamming her hands on the table. 

“Karaoke!”

Soos and Dipper raised an eyebrow at the girl.

“There’s a new karaoke stand slash restaurant slash karaoke stand that just opened last week!” 

“You just said karaoke stand twice,” Dipper pointed out.

“Karaoke deserves a second mention in each of my sentences!”

“She actually does have a point, Soos,” Dipper suggested. “Karaoke does sound like something she’d be into. You could sing a song or two for her.”

“I dunno, dude,” Soos admitted, scratching behind his neck. “I’m not exactly the best when it comes to performing for other people.”

“That’s the thing! You won’t be technically performing for other people, only for Melody!” Mabel encouraged the idea further. 

“We’ll hafta see when we get there,” Soos sighed, accepting the fact that Mabel will not let the thought go. 

“Yeah!” Mabel cheered. “By the end of the night, you’ll go from Soos: Handy Man to Soos: Lady’s Man . . .” She whispered the last part for added affect. “Let’s try this again, when I say Kara, you say Oke! Ready? Kara! . . .”

She looked around the table, only to find that the seats that previously occupied her brother and friend to now be vacant. 

Later,

The moment Soos put his truck into park, Mabel and Dipper had already leapt out of their seats and onto the ground, awaiting Soos to exit.

With a nervous sigh, Soos unbuckled himself and met his friends on the parking lot. The three walked together to the entrance. 

Within five minutes, the trio found the Meat Cute kiosk and the vendor in question. 

Melody handed two customers a sandwich before noticing her friends walking up. She beamed in their direction and offered a wave. “Hey guys! You ready to go?”

“Bet you!” Soos accidentally slurred, earning a chuckle from Melody, who stepped out from behind her kiosk so she was standing face to face with her friends. 

“It’s nice to meet you guys, again,” she regarded Dipper and Mabel. 

Before Dipper could politely reply, Mabel interjected. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when are you two going to get married?”

Dipper clapped his hand over his forehead. 

Soos’ face paled to the point where one could not point out his tan skin.

Melody, to their surprise, only placed her hand on her chest and giggled. 

“I can see why you like hanging out with these two, Soos.”

The color returned to Soos’ face the moment he let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and wiped the sweat from his brow. 

“You ready, Melody?” Soos asked. 

“Yep. Sorry, I didn’t bring my regular clothes. I’m stuck in these for the evening until I get to my place.”

“Oh, I don’t care, dude,” Soos dismissively waved away her concern. “Besides, that’s what you were wearing when I first met you. It’s kind of cool if you think about it.”

“Yeah . . . I guess it kind of is.” 

For a few awkward moments (for the twins anyway), the two of them just stood in place, gazing at absolutely nothing except each other. 

“Ahem?” Dipper cleared his throat, breaking their concentration and redirecting it back to the children. “We’d better get going. The mall closes at ten, doesn’t it?”

“Yep, let’s go,” Melody said, leading the way with Soos at her side as they left the now closed up kiosk. “So how was your guys’ day?”

“Eh, uneventful,” Soos admitted. “We played Swords of Nazgaroth while Mr. Pines was watching Gossiping Housewives.”

Melody gasped. “Gossiping Housewives? I love that show!” 

Soos blinked. “Really?” Melody nodded exuberantly. 

“Jerome is my favorite character! I can’t believe he was able to say yes to Stacey after she-“ 

“After she went out with his brother’s clone even though she thought it was really his brother so that she could spite him after the two of them-“

“Saved a baby from falling off of the bridge even though they agreed to never speak to each other again?!” They both finished in unison before erupting into a laugh. 

“No way! You watch Gossiping Housewives?” Melody asked. 

“Uh, only every week!” 

“Oh my gosh! You two have like so much in common! So when are you getting married?”

Mabel’s question once again flummoxed the group.

They remained silent until Dipper cleared his throat. 

“So Melody, how much of the mall do you actually know? I know you work here and all, but have you really had a chance to take a look around yourself yet?” The tween inquired. 

“Not really,” Melody admitted. “I just don’t really have that much time in between working and getting back home.”

“Well, then you’re in luck!” Soos stated, placing a large arm over her shoulder. “Before this night is out, we’re going to visit each store in this building!”

Melody, taken somewhat aback by the sporadic gesture, could only smile and nod at the suggestion.

“Let’s do it.”

Before anyone could say anything, a ragged, loud screech interrupted them. 

“Get away from me you horse cobbling mosquito wranglers!”

The man the voice was coming from galloped, not ran, not sprinted, he actually galloped on his hands and feet. In his mouth was a wrench that the bearded man allegedly stole from some hardware store in the mall.

“McGucket?” Dipper asked as the homeless man passed the four of them, not acknowledging any of them as he avoided the mall security.

“You’ll never stop me from building my mech suit!” The delirious hobo declared, taking out the wrench from his mouth and pointing it at the security guards that now surrounded him. “I’ll hunt you in your own fantasies!”

He evaded them and made his way to the exit.

“What was that all about?” Melody inquired. 

“That’s just Old Man McGucket,” Soos informed her. “Outside of him smelling like dead things all the time, he’s actually not that bad.” 

“But what was that he was talking about a mech suit? That sounds dangerous . . .”

“Eh,” Mabel waved off the paranoia. “I’m sure that deep down, he’s just like any other cute old man who’s too stubborn to admit he’s of age to get into a retirement home. But there are plenty of other interesting characters here in Gravity Falls that are no doubt mingling around these very stores that surround us. Let’s get romantic, people! Last stop, Karaoke Village!” She declared, pointing to the directory in front of them that displayed the restaurant in question on the third floor. 

“When I say Kara, you say-“ 

Before she finished, the group of friends had already left her behind, walking ten paces in front of her.

“Hey, hey! Wait up!”

Later,

Inside Clothes N’ Caps, the four friends were trading clothes and caps to test, which greatly annoyed the impatient Dipper, who finally had to draw the line of trying on clothes after his twin offered him an unflattering piece of attire to wear.

“Not happening. Nope.”

“Oh come on, ya grouch! You’d look so cute!”

“It’s bad enough that I remember wearing that stupid lamb costume for everyone’s amusement. I’m not adding this to that list!”

“Oh, stop being so dramatic!” A sly smile crossed her face. “I’m sure that a certain Miss Wendy would find you to be irresistible!”

In a fit of panic, Dipper covered his sister’s mouth and swiped the skin-tight unitard from her grasp and put it back on the rack. 

“I don’t know why they sell something like that in a store like this anyway . . .”

Later,

“Oh my gosh! Soos! Look at this!”

Soos obliged his lady-friend’s request and appeared by her side in the middle of the aisle she was wandering through. 

Melody held out the stuffed koala bear for Soos to see. 

“Isn’t he cute? And look! He talks!” 

She squeezed the ear and activated the voice box hidden in the stuffing. 

G’day ole’ chaps! Mind helping an ole’ bear like mahself find his tea n’ crumpets? Came an unexpected British accent.

“Uh, I’m no geologist, but aren’t those things supposed to be Australian?” 

Mabel, out of the blue, appeared and put in her own input. 

“Koala’s are nature’s poofballs! Regardless of nationality or color!” Pointing an accusing finger in Soos’ direction and rounding the corner over to the next aisle. 

The two stood in an awkward silence, Melody still holding the culturally confused koala in her grasp. Without having pushed the ear, the koala spoke:

Konichiwa. Could you please help me find some bamboo to fight off the invading praying mantis?

Exchanging a glance, Soos closed his eyes and slowly nodded. Melody took that as her cue to set the strange stuffed animal down. The two of them silently walked away and out of the toy store.

Later,

The four of them walked up to the second level after they had finished meandering around the first level. Melody looked up to the sign above her, displaying the name of the store in front of them.

“Hey,” she started, “BeeblyBoop’s Videogames. I’ve heard this place has some pretty cool stuff. Wanna take a look . . . guys?” 

Looking behind her, Melody found Soos, Mabel and Dipper trailing up behind her, not even glancing at the store in question. His face in a state that displayed nothing short of ‘not interested’, strolled up beside her, grasped her hand, and brought her along with him, Mabel and Dipper not far behind.

“But wait- couldn’t we- can’t we just . . . okay.”

Later,

“Here we are!” Mabel’s every cheery façade not once wavering on their journey to their final stop of the mall: Karaoke Village. 

“I’ve heard of this place,” Melody remembered. “I saw a few people dragging some karaoke equipment to the upper levels about two weeks ago. I’ve been meaning to check it out.”

“Well tonight’s your lucky night, sister!” Mabel exclaimed, raising her arms above her head. “Because not only are we all going to experience this restaurant for the first time, but our one and only Soos is going to sing for us!” 

Two things happened simultaneously:

The first was that Melody’s face lit up in a hopeful manner that Soos hasn’t seen before. One that he was sure he liked the moment she looked to him.

The other was Soos’ heart nearly exploded from nerves and partial embarrassment at his young friends’ assumptions.

“You are?” Melody asked him, her hands folded in front of her. 

“Well, I- uh, was gonna . . . er-“ 

Before he could officially finish his stuttering rampage, he looked Melody directly in the eyes, which ultimately nailed the nail into the coffin. 

Through the skylight above their heads, sunlight shone through and landed directly onto her, illuminating her in the warming glow that Soos loved so much. That was accompanied with a hopeful twinkle in her eyes and her knees slightly bent, all sealed together with a gorgeous, toothy smile she sent his way. 

Behind her were the twins, each with a matching pair of encouraging smiles, nodding in his direction.

Soos sighed in defeat. “Okay. I’ll do a song.” 

Later,  
Dipper’s eyes were on the verge of bleeding from the moment they entered the singing-themed restaurant. The lights overhead had a blue gel covering them, casting the entire room in an ominously eerie presence. Laser lights flashed overhead as well. 

There were multiple round tables scattered about with families occupying each of them. In the back was a stage with a white and gray box resting on a stand tall enough for the singer (currently Sherriff Blubs and Deputy Durland singing a duet) to see. 

Soos gulped, not having anticipated so many people in the restaurant. 

“We’ll go find a seat. Soos, you get your butt up there and make us proud!” Mabel slapped him on the back supportively, pushing the gentle giant forward nervously. 

Not able to find a way out of his current predicament, Soos wandered to the front stage, but not before he spared a backward glance to Melody, who smiled warmly and offered a small wave, which he gladly returned.

With a calming sigh, he confidently strolled up to the last chair available on the waiting side. The other two people awaiting their turn on the karaoke machine was none other than Toby Determined and Tyler. Soos sat himself down on the seat and placed his chin on his hands, waiting anxiously for his turn.

Meanwhile, Dipper, Mabel and Melody somehow managed to find a decent seat in the middle of the room, the stage still visible from their vantage point. The three of them took a seat and waited for their friend to take the stage. 

As they sat down, Blubs and Durland ended their duet, prompting the socially awkward Toby onto the stage. Dipper’s heart did an embarrassed summersault as he recognized the next song as “Take a Risk” by Icelandic singing sensation BABBA. 

He bit his tongue in an effort not to sing along, wishing to distract himself from the catchy music.

He cleared his throat. “So Melody,” Dipper started, “Soos said you just moved to Gravity Falls?”

She nodded in confirmation. “That’s right. I was permanently relocated to the Gravity Falls location for Meat Cute by my boss.”

“But didn’t you have any family or friends that you left back in Portland?” Mabel inquired.

“Well, sort of. My parents separated when I was little. My mom moved to Pasadena and my dad moved to Portland along with me after I got done with college. Now dad owns my old place in Portland since I’m back here now. As for friends, I only really had a few friends who work at a retirement home, but they barely had any time off. But I didn’t mind. It gave me more time to video chat with Soos.”

Dipper nodded in understanding.

Mabel squealed in delight at the last sentence. 

“Besides, I haven’t seen Soos in person since his cousin’s engagement party. So spending time together like this is nice.”

“That’s right,” Dipper remembered. “Soos didn’t tell us much about the party.”

“Yeah! He was too stunned by being struck by Cupid’s arrow too many times at having taken you to the party to have enough time to tell us about what happened!” Mabel informed her. “So tell us! How’d it all go? And don’t spare anything! We want details, hon!” 

Dipper rolled his eyes at his twin’s enthusiasm, but spoke nothing against it, as he shared her curiosity. 

“Well, it was a little awkward at first . . .” she remembered.

Saying that it was awkward would be putting it lightly.

She loved spending this kind of quality time with Soos, wishing to get to know him better, but she didn’t know a single soul at the party outside of Soos. 

The colored lights were flashing and the loud music pounded inside of her chest, but she still couldn’t feel any more out of place. 

She doesn’t know these people. So how is she supposed to go up and talk to one out of the blue?

What would they talk about? 

She didn’t think she had anything to offer as any sort of witty conversation starter that would somehow result in a friendship that would only last the next few hours that they would stay there.

But those few hours would feel like an eternity with no one else to talk with.

But luckily, that’s where he came in.

Soos.

Her saving grace.

At the beginning of the night, she almost didn’t recognize him with his hair slicked back and his facial hair trimmed neatly, dressed from head to toe in a suit that, she had to admit, he looked absolutely stunning in.

A few minutes prior, Soos had left their table to get them both a cup of Polynesian Punch.

As soon as Melody, sitting alone at the table with her face resting on her palms, came into his line of sight, he knew something had to be done. 

Looking behind him, Soos saw the dancefloor occupied by his friends and relatives, jumping and swaying to the blaring, upbeat music.

With a newfound sense of duty coming over him, Soos made his way over to the table and set the plastic cups down with only enough force to catch his ‘date’s’ attention. As soon as she looked up, Soos put on a comforting smile, walked around the table until he was standing over her, and offered her his hand.

She looked at it uncertainly, thinking whether or not to accompany the gentle giant on the dancefloor, despite not knowing many of the other partygoers. 

With a nod in the direction of the dancing, Soos took action into his own hands. 

He leaned down and took a hold of her hand firmly in his own. With a startled yelp, Soos hefted her off her seat and lead her to the dancefloor. 

Avoiding the maze of cloth covered tables, the two of them reached their destination. The moment they did, Soos let go of her hand and began dancing, waving his body around in a silly fashion in time with the spunky, perky music being played overhead. 

Melody stayed frozen in place, slightly embarrassed by Soos’ actions, but grateful for it all the same. 

With a few coaxing hand movements, Soos invited her to dance.

After a few moments of uncertainty, Melody began to sway and rock to the music, much to Soos’ delight, who began dancing on his own again in a crazy, flamboyant fashion. 

Seeing her friend this way kept her own anxiety at ease as she began to open up more and move more passionately to the music. 

As the minutes ticked on, she didn’t even notice as a ring of people formed around them, watching the two of them dance and cheering them on all the while. 

A loud tapping noise interrupted the music, a flurry of feedback ringing in the ears of the dancers as the DJ spoke into the microphone. 

“Alright, alright, alriiiiiiight guys and galz! Tonight, we’re going to be a little unorthodox. Yeah, that’s right, I’m a professional DJ who uses the word unorthodox!” 

A cheer and a wave of laughter erupted from the crowd. 

“Alright my children,” the exuberant DJ continued, “as I was saying, we’re doing something a little out of the box. I want all the ladies on the dancefloor. Men, you’ll get your chance in a minute, but let’s give this time to our gal pals.” 

The men on the floor did as they were told, leaving the dancefloor, leaving only the women. 

Melody gave Soos a pleading gaze, not wanting him to leave her side. 

But she was reassured by those hypnotizing beady eyes of his that she would be okay if she did this.

With one last pat on her hand, Soos did as he was told and exited the dancefloor, leaving Melody alone with a crowd of women. 

Looking to the head of the pack, she recognized Soos’ cousin’s fiancée strolling proudly to the front, a bouquet of flowers in her hands. 

Melody knew in an instant what was happening. 

“Okay, ladies” The DJ went on, “you know the drill. Catch the bouquet.”

The women in the crowd screamed in anticipation and huddled together, squeezing Melody in the middle of the pack. 

Soos, witnessing the whole thing, grew uneasy as he feared for the well-being of his plus one. 

That’s when he got an idea.

Making sure the future-bride wasn’t looking, Soos snuck into the crowd of patient women, with only one of them on his mind. 

Reggie’s Fiancée, with her back to the crowd, didn’t notice as Soos made his way into the middle, behind an unsuspecting Melody. 

Leaning down, Soos then hoisted Melody onto his shoulders, much to her surprise as her heart jumped into her throat at the sudden elevation. 

Taking a moment to recognize what has just happened, she took a breath and looked down at the beaming face of Soos. 

Her confusion instantly replaced with relief and gratitude, the two of them ignored the annoyed growls of the women behind them, unable to see with Melody sitting atop of Soos’ shoulders. 

A moment later, the bouquet was tossed backwards.

The beautiful collection of flowers sailed gracefully over the heads of the women at the front, a clear trajectory aiming towards Melody’s outstretched hands. She gazed down hopefully at Soos, who was beaming up at her in encouragement. 

Her tongue sticking out in deep focus, she reached her hands out, the flowers now only a few, tiny inches away from her hands . . .

Before the flowers were yanked away in a flash.

Stunned, Soos and Melody watched as the flowers went soaring back into the direction they had come from, directly into the awaiting hands of the blushing Bride-to-Be. She caught the flowers and let out a haughty belly laugh, displaying the string tied around her wrist that was tied to the flowers. A moment later, Reggie came up from the side and embraced her tightly and awkwardly.

The other women stormed angrily off of the dancefloor, leaving Melody, still suspended on Soos’ shoulders, alone. She gazed awkwardly down at Soos. 

Soos did nothing except smile and shrug in reply, coaxing a smile of her own from her. 

All on his own, Soos had made her feel special and welcome in a crowd of absolute strangers, and there was no one else in Gravity Falls, no one else in the country, no one else on Earth who could have made her feel that way.

At the conclusion of her story, Melody returned her attention to the children, who were hanging on her every word. Dipper’s eyes were wide in amazement and a smile of knowing on his face at the story of one of his best friend.

Mabel, on the other hand, had eyes full of moisture and had her hands on her cheeks in wonder. 

“I knew Soos had it in him! Way to go big guy!”

Melody smiled at the girl’s encouragement. 

“Oh, hey! He’s coming on now!” 

Heeding Dipper’s warning, the girls looked ahead to see Soos standing awkwardly onstage, microphone in hand, tugging at his collar. 

He began to pant, being sure not to do so in the microphone as to alert the audience of his unease. 

He certainly was not expecting this many people. 

Then, something happened.

All it took was one, simply twitch of his eye to land on the only three people that mattered.

In the middle of the room, he found Melody, Dipper and Mabel sitting, waiting attentively to listen to his singing. 

Suddenly, everyone else disappeared. 

Only they existed in his world. 

They were the only ones who mattered. 

With one last breath of confidence, Soos pressed the button. 

The screen lit up with life and displayed the name of the song he selected: “Downtown Gal” by Billy Bowl.

A moment later, the “Oh whoa, whoas” of the prerecorded backup vocals boomed over the speakers, pumping the adrenaline through Soos, giving him the extra motivation he desperately needed. 

His cue came up.

“Downtown Gal/ You know she really is my real pal/ I’ll bet she’s never had an Uptown Man/ I’m here to tell you guys that’s what I am/ It’s in the can.”

To his astounding relief, he wasn’t unbearably bad. But, according to the audience, he wasn’t terrible at all. They began to clap in time with the beat and whistled in encouragement. He looked over to Melody’s Table and saw his three friends clapping along with them. 

He’s got this.

“And when she’s walkin’/ She’s lookin’ so gra-a-and/ I wonder if she’ll let me hold her ha-a-and/ She’ll say I’m not that strong/ Just because/ You came along/ You’re my Downtown Gal/ My Downtown Gal!/ You know I’m in love with a Downtown Gal/ My Downtown Gal!”

The music began to fade away as did his singing. 

There was a moment of complete silence after his final breath of the song left him, which made his nerves tense.

They hated it, didn’t they? 

They were just being supportive and stuff at the very beginning. Then once they heard him actually sing, they realized it was for nothing.

That’s when it happened.

Contrary to his beliefs, the crowd exploded into a massive cheer, catching the Handy Man off guard. Putting on a nervous, slightly embarrassed smile, Soos hung the microphone on the hook on the machine and waved to his adoring audience. 

The moment his eyes landed on Melody’s, all of the embarrassment he originally found was all but washed away by her comforting aura that somehow reached him from across the room. 

He also saw Dipper standing on his chair to get a better look at his friend, clapping along with the public. 

Mabel, on the other hand, expressed her love for her friend in her own way. 

She jumped on top of the table and let out a loud wolf whistle that was heard by everyone. “That’s my friend Soos, everybody!” She exclaimed proudly. “Sorry ladies, but he’s already taken!”

Touched by his friends’ actions, Soos took a bow.

Later,

“We now return to our feature presentation of ‘Gone with the Breeze’.” Came the old timey voice from the TV in front of the group of friends, returning them to said old timey movie.

“Jeremias!” Cried the lady onscreen, rushing down the flight of steps of her mansion to stop the man from leaving. “Where will you go? What will I do?!” She wailed into his lapel. 

“Frankly my dear,” he started, “you can do as you please, as you are a strong, independent woman with little to no need of a man in her life.” 

With those final words, the screen went black as the credits began to roll.

Stan, sitting in his recliner, sighed in delight. “Ah, that never gets old!”

Dipper and Mabel, sitting on the step in the entrance to the living room and beside the small table next to the recliner respectively, exchanged a confused glance before shrugging. 

Wendy, having stopped over for the night for movie night with her friends, sat in front of Dipper with her knees up to her chest. “I dunno, that ending was pretty cheesy. I hate it when Hollywood tries to hammer their feminist messages into our heads.” 

“Ah you and your impossible teenage standards!” Stan grumbled. “Why can’t you be like those two?” He asked, pointing in the direction of Soos and Melody, who were sitting by the round table next to each other, close enough for her to lean on his shoulder. “Look at ‘em,” he continued, “contempt as can be. I could show them my collection of brutal murders with pickaxes and shovels that I have stashed in the closet and they wouldn’t care. That’s my kind of people.” 

“Do you really have those?” Mabel asked skeptically. 

“Legally, I can’t say.”

“Well, either way, I had a wonderful time, tonight,” Melody hummed peacefully, her chest close enough to Soos’ body to hear her calm heartbeat. 

“So did I. Even if it was a total cliché at the karaoke place.” 

Wendy blew a raspberry at in his direction. “Puh-lease man. I’m sure you did great! Dipper here told me all about it. It’s not many people who can stand in front of other people and perform just like that,” she snapped her fingers for emphasis. 

Melody leaned in closer. “Then we’ll have to go back sometime, won’t we? Maybe we could visit more stores.” 

Mabel leapt to her feet. “It’ll be a girl’s night out! Just the three of us and the juiciest of gossip!”

The group (save for Stan) laughed at her energy. 

Melody leisurely laid her hand on her lap, her fingers brushing over the object that rested in her pocket.

Her heart skipped a beat.

As soon as the laughter died down, Melody cleared her throat.

“Well, I- Uh, had a really great time. I really did, but I’ve got to go now.”

Soos looked at her with sad, pleading eyes. “Right now?” 

Her heart broken in two at the sight of his gaze, she nodded reluctantly. “I’ve got to get up really early for work tomorrow. Besides, I’ve taken up too much of your time already, Mister Pines.” 

The old man waved away her concern. “Nah, it was nothing. You should stop by more often! A happy Soos equals a productive Soos!”

Melody nodded and backed her way to the front door. “I’ll be sure to.” 

She accidentally bumped her backside into the door, fumbling nervously for the knob. 

“Wait,” Soos stopped her. He stepped forward with his arms outstretched. “Can we get together again tomorrow?”

Her breathing calmed as well as her demeanor at the sight of Soos, not wishing to let her go. 

She let go of the knob and hugged Soos tightly. 

“Absolutely.”

With that, she broke the hug and ran out the door, closing it silently behind her, leaving a confused and slightly hurt Soos behind.

“What was that all about?” Dipper asked.

“I dunno,” Stan admitted as he stood up from his chair, scratching his backside. “Maybe it’s her time of the month.” 

A collection of gasps went through the living room.

“What?” He asked innocently. “Women have to change the oil in their cars too, don’t they?” 

Meanwhile,

 

Melody made sure she was far enough away from the shack to do it.

She fought against the blisteringly cold wind of the night and made her way deeper into the woods. 

She knew it wasn’t really a bright idea to wander through the woods at night, but she thought that doing this would be done best on her own. 

She approached a clearing in the woods and looked up at the full moon.

She nodded.

“This looks like a good spot.”

She dug into her pocket and pulled out its content: A tiny, triangular talisman, no bigger than a guitar pick. On the side facing her was an inscription. 

She read it aloud.

“Plarioucious, Ludoficious, Maximus . . .” A tear crawled down her cheek as she read the final line. “You have my permission to enter.”

A gust of cold wind blew harder through the treetops at the final line, hitting Melody in the face as hard as the wave of guilt that crashed against her as well.

She turned to look in the direction she had just came from. 

Where the Mystery Shack was.

Where Soos was. 

“I’m so . . . So Sorry Soos.”


	3. Mood Swings

“Quack quack, qua-quack quack –ack –ack”

“Ducktective! You can’t possibly mean . . .”

“Quack quack!”

A gasp went through the living room. 

“No way!” Mabel cried. “The baby?!”

“Oh man, this season just gets better!” Dipper proclaimed. Turning his head from his laying position on the floor, Dipper saw Soos sitting in the recliner. Expecting to see a look of surprise on his friends’ face, he instead found him with his chin resting in his palm and his gaze facing opposite that of the television, staring out the window. 

Dipper nudged his twin on the side to catch her attention. She looked his way and saw him motion his thumb behind him. Following the motion, she too found Soos with a faraway look. 

Shrugging to her brother, she reached for the remote and put the TV on mute.

“Hey Soos, what’s the deal? You’ve been waiting for this reveal all season!” Dipper wondered. 

The man child sighed. “I’m just thinkin’ is all.”

“About last night?” 

He nodded. 

“I’m sure she had a perfectly logical reason for ditching us last night!” Mabel said, rising to her feet. 

“Not helping, Mabel,” Dipper chastised his sister, coming to his friend’s side. “What she’s trying to say is that she wouldn’t have left you just for some crumby reason. She had to have been doing something important,” he reassured.

“I know, dude,” Soos sighed again. “But, I dunno, didn’t she seem a little . . . weird when she left?” 

“She’s into a guy like you, Soos. It doesn’t get any weirder than that,” came Stan’s gruff voice from the entryway before he exploded into a burst of chuckles. “Ah, I kid, I kid. But seriously, Soos is right. She was as nervous as a porcupine in a balloon factory. The way she just backed out of the house all nervous like. I think she’s up to something.”

“What? No,” Dipper dismissed the theory. “Grunkle Stan, you’re being too paranoid. I’m sure she’s not up to anything. She just . . .” Dipper trailed off, trying to find a logical answer. “ . . . had stuff she needed to do. That’s all.”

“Besides,” Mabel began, “the two of you are getting together later today, right?”

“Yeah. She gets off at one-thirty today. I was thinking of maybe, I dunno, showing her around town?”

“That’s perfect!” Dipper proclaimed. “That way you can figure out what’s wrong!”

“Whoa, I dunno, dude,” Soos sat upright in concern. “Isn’t that like . . . prying too deep into her privacy? Don’t girls like keeping their privacy a secret?”

“But Soos!” Mabel shouted into his ear. “That’s the thing! When you’re with someone you love, then there are no secrets! You tell each other everything and keep nothing from them! That’s what builds trust between you two!” 

“Um, Mabel,” Dipper started, “don’t you already, like, tell everyone everything? Regardless of whether or not you know them?”

“That’s because I love everybody!”

Wishing to not delve deeper into his sister’s enigmatic mind, Dipper redirected his attention to Soos. “But she’s right, Soos. I know you two aren’t ‘FaceJournal Official’ yet,” he said using air quotes, “but maybe if you tell her a few things about yourself, then maybe she’ll be able to open up to what’s bothering her.”

“You really think so?”

Dipper nodded. “Absolutely.”

“Look at you, Bro Bro!” Mabel congratulated, elbowing her brother’s side. “Bein’ all romantic and junk. And if you wanted, I could hook you up with my own love experts . . .” she suggested knowingly.

“You mean go on a date with the smashing queen and little Miss Crazy? Thanks but no thanks.”

“You feeling better yet, Soos?” Stan asked, coming up to his side and placing a hand on his employee’s shoulder. 

“I actually am feeling a little better, Mister Pines.”

“Good,” Stan nodded before pulling his other hand from behind his back to reveal a plunger in his grip. “Cuz the toilet is backed up. Think you can handle it?” 

Soos stood up straight, took the plunger from the old man’s hand and ran out of the room. 

Stan dusted off his hands and leaned against the recliner, oblivious to the angry stares he was receiving from his niece and nephew. 

Later,

“Melody? Melody? Are you okay?” 

Melody snapped back into reality at the sound of her friends’ voice. 

“Oh, sorry Soos. “I’m just . . . thinking is all.”

“About what?”

“Just . . . um,” she felt the tailisman in her pocket, “about things. Nothing for you to worry about.”

“Okay.” Soos hung his head dejecdedly. 

Suddenly, Dipper’s voice came into his head. “. . . if you tell her a few things about yourself, then maybe she’ll be able to open up to what’s bothering her.”

Soos cleared his throat. “So, uh, this one time, I ate this small piece of meat, and a friend of mine was worried that I ate their pet Guinea pig but it turns out that the Guinea pig ran away so I just kept eating the meat.”

Melody, caught off guard looked at him. “Oh. Um, alrighty then.”

Soos mentally slapped his forehead. 

“So where was it you said we were going?” Melody asked. 

“Oh, we’re heading over to Greasy’s Diner. That’s just about as local as it gets here in Gravity Falls. We’re actually meeting up with Dipper and Mabel over there too. You have to try their pancakes!”

Melody smiled warmly. “Yeah. I’ll give them a try,” she said, but Soos could hear the twinge of sadness in her voice. She averted his questioning gaze and looked down at the ground. 

Well, at least his friends won’t get hurt . . .

They promised.

Looking across the street, Melody found two people tossing each other very harsh and colorful verbal insults toward each other. 

“Whoa dude,” Soos observed the same scene. “I wonder what their problem is.”

Melody chuckled nervously. “Heheheh. I, uh, couldn’t tell you.”

It’s already started? They really do work fast.

“Welp, here we are!” Soos announced, holding out his arm to display the diner which resembled a log lying down on its side with the neatly-written cursive sign that read Greasy’s Diner.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to eat at a place that has the word greasy?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Soos eased her. “There have only been like thirty reported cases of actual heart attacks because of this restaurant since it opened.”

“Thirty? When did it open?”

“Around this time last year I think. We should probably hurry now, they’re waiting inside.”

Meanwhile,

“There is no way that that is true,” Dipper shot down his sister.

“Oh come on! You go on all of these supernatural adventures no problem, but the moment I say that I think that Bigfoot is actually just a walking blur, then suddenly everything that comes out of Mabel’s mouth is absolute bologna!” 

“But what sense does that make? Why would he be a blur?” 

“Have you seen a picture of him in focus?”

“Maybe he’s just naturally a fast walker. He’s got gigantic feet after all!”

“I don’t think that being a fast walker is what having big feet means . . .”

Before the bickering could continue, Dipper heard a pair of footsteps walking toward them from Mabel’s side of the booth. He waved to Soos and Melody as she took a seat next to him and Soos next to Mabel.

“Hey guys! What’s going on?”

“Not much. Soos was just telling me a bit about the town.”

As Melody turned her back to Dipper to hang her purse on the edge, Dipper pointed to Melody while mouthing ‘Anything yet?’ to Soos, who shook his head sadly. Dipper hung his head in disappointment at the lack of progress.

“So, have you guys gotten anything yet?” Melody asked the twins. 

“No, we were waiting for you to get here,” Mabel told her. “Besides, me and Dipper over here were deep in our conversation . . .” she trailed off mysteriously, glaring at her brother across the table, making the I’m-Watching-You motion with her fingers and eyes. 

“Anyway,” Melody cut in, “what’s good to eat here?” 

“More like what isn’t good to eat?!” Mabel proclaimed. “I think the only inedible thing in this place are the tables!” She giggled, patting the table in emphasis. A moment after she finished, she glanced at the table suspiciously before she began to gnaw aggressively on the corner. 

Dipper shook his head at his spontaneous sister. 

“Well, what can I get all of you today?” Came a nasally voice from the side. The group looked to see the owner of the diner, Lazy Susan. Melody was slightly taken aback by her lazy eye, but thought wisely against bringing it up verbally. 

“I’ll just have the regular, Susan,” Mabel told her.

“One grilled cheese and maple syrup sandwich coming right up, honey! And for you, dear?” She asked, addressing Dipper.

“Hmm, I’ll have the soup of the day.”

“Beef broth and fondue special, got it!” She wrote down on her pad. 

“I’ll take the pancakes. Keep it simple, y’know.” 

“Not a problem, dear,” she wrote it down. “And what can I get for you, sweetheart?” She asked Melody, folding her hands in front of her politely. 

“Well . . .” Melody looked at the menu. “Can I just have a plain ham sandwich? No mayo or butter or anything. Just the ham? On dark bread?” 

Susan was about to open her mouth to reply, but she froze almost instantaneously in place, her mouth agape. 

The group of four exchanged confused, worried glances. 

“Um, Susan?” Dipper asked, concerned for the restaurateur. 

“Hey Susan!” Mabel projected her voice. “Gravity Falls to Susan!”

The middle-aged woman closed her good eye and shook her head vigorously. She opened it back up and stopped shaking, glancing at the confused table. 

“Oh, goodness,” she gasped. “I don’t know what came over me. Sorry about that. I’ll, um, excuse me please.” With that, she placed the writing pad in her pocket and walked away. 

After a shared moment of silence of uncertainty and nervousness, Dipper spoke up.

“What was that all about?” 

“I dunno. It was like she just glitched out or something.” Soos suggested. 

“I hope she’s okay,” Mabel worried. 

Soos, waiting for Melody to add in her own voice of confusion, was surprised once he noticed she never spoke. Instead, she appeared to be lost in some sort of trance, gazing curiously (guiltily?) in the direction that their waitress wandered off in.

“Melody? Is everything okay?” 

“Hm? Oh!” She gasped, not noticing that she had once again dozed off in a guilty trance. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I’m just a little concerned about her. Is she always this off?” 

“Well,” Dipper started, “she kind of has her own brand of ‘off’. But that was pretty off, even for her.”

“But does she always-“ before Melody could finish her question, a loud, nasally voice was heard from across the diner. 

“What do you mean it’s undercooked?!”

The small group of friends turned to look across the room to see Lazy Susan standing before a table with only one customer, who Dipper, Mabel and Soos recognized instantly as Tyler the biker. 

“Ugh, did you even taste it before you gave it to me?” He asked, uncharacteristically cynical. “This chicken is so undercooked, I’m certain it’s going to cross the road after I leave!”

“You don’t know the meaning of food preparation, pal!” Susan waved her pen in the man’s face. 

Plenty more hurtful words were tossed to and fro in their argument until the other customers began having arguments of their own.

“What do you mean you didn’t take out the trash before we left?!”

“You call that a screenplay? I’ve seen a playwright by Nicholas Glint better than this sappy piece of trash!”

“You’re on team Aaron? Team Jeffry is obviously the way to go!”

Soon enough, the entire restaurant erupted into a massive collection of arguments. 

Dipper shifted in his seat uncomfortably. 

“Uh, should we go?”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Melody agreed. 

“But I haven’t eaten yet!” Mabel protested. 

“You ate yesterday, didn’t you?” Soos asked. “You should be good for the next week or two. Now let’s just get outa here.”

Later,

The group walked down the sidewalk away from the small diner. 

The silence amongst them that greeted them the moment they left was still lingering in the air around them, none of them feeling brave enough to break it after what they witnessed. 

Melody patted her pocket, unable to keep the twinge of guilt out of her heart.

A small eternity later, Soos cleared his throat. “Well, um,” he began awkwardly. “Does anyone else have any other ideas?” 

Dipper and Mabel shrugged in unison and Melody only shook her head in response. 

“How about the arcade?” Soos tried optimistically. “That’s still open for a few more hours.”

“Actually,” Melody began, her heart sinking at the sight of Soos’ disappointed expression, “we should probably call it a day. I mean, don’t you want to catch a breather after, um, whatever that was back there?”

“She has a point, Soos,” Dipper added his two cents. “I kind of just want to get back to the shack.”

Soos was about to protest, but when he saw the look on Dipper’s face, his argument died in his mouth.

No words were exchanged, not even a definitive hand motion or something of the sort. Nothing truly needed to be said.

His face said it all.

“Don’t worry, dude. We’ll figure it out later.”

Soos sighed.

“I guess.” 

Melody placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry about it. We can just shoot for another time. Maybe we could go back to the mall?”

“Yeah, that does sound-“

He was interrupted by the sound of shattering glass and clanking metal from the other side of the fence they were walking along. As they were walking, they hadn’t even noticed that they were now next to the city junkyard. A scraggly form appeared from atop the wooden fence and the old, bearded man from the mall that Melody scarcely recognized hopped over it and landed on flat on his back in front of the group unceremoniously. 

“McGucket?” Dipper asked. “Are you okay?”

The old man leapt nimbly to his feet. “Never better, friend!” He slapped his knee. “Say, you wouldn’t happen to have an eight-by-ten fluxerator, would yeh?” 

“Um . . . No?”

“Ah horse spidadle! You wouldn’t believe how hard those are to come by these days! Ah well,” he shrugged. “I’ll just have to use some other form of power for my mech suit! I hear those gargantuan battery modules are hot on the market!”

“Yeah,” Mabel agreed with uncertainty, “those’ll definitely do the trick.” She shrugged in confusion toward the group.

Anticipating another off the wall, unpredictable phrase from the frazzled old man, Melody was shocked to see him sniff the air in curiosity.

“Wait a minute,” he whispered. “I smell . . . something.”

His elongated nose crinkled as he took in the strange scent. 

“What is it?” Mabel asked curiously, though it sounded more like she was speaking to a dog who had just began to play. “What are you smelling, boy?” She clapped her hands on her knees.

To Melody’s surprise, McGucket actually began to crawl on his hands and feet like an animal, sniffing the ground intently. Evidently, whatever his nose was picking up made a direct trail over to her position. He pushed past Dipper and Mabel and looked up at the uncomfortable woman, not taking into account her privacy or personal space as he continued to sniff up and down her leg.

Melody’s heart nearly jumped out of her chest once his eyes widened in surprise the moment his nose met the talisman residing in her pocket.

Letting out an alarmed shriek, McGucket fell backwards and sprawled away from her.

“Agh! Evil! Y-You’ve got evil on yeh!” 

He bounded onto his feet and pointed at her again. “Yeh’ve got no idear what you’ve done to this town, li’l missy!”

After his declaration of her being evil was completed, the frightened old man leapt back onto the fence and climbed up it until he disappeared on the other side. 

They heard the fading sound of his panting in sync with his manic footsteps on the other side, none of them daring to say or do anything.

“What the heck was that all about?” Dipper was forced to ask.

“I really couldn’t tell you,” Melody admitted a little too quickly. “But, um, I really do have to get going. I’ll call you later, Soos!” 

She separated herself from her friends and crossed the street.

“Wait!” Soos shouted after her. She stopped in the middle of the street, turning around to meet the concerned gaze of Soos. “Don’t you want me to walk you home or something? You still don’t know your way around that well, yet,” he pointed out. 

“Oh, I’ll, uh, I’ll be fine. I know my way from here. I’ll see you all tomorrow!”

She gave none of them a chance to argue any further as she turned her back to them and ran to the other side, onto the sidewalk and away from them, rounding a corner and vanishing from sight.

The remaining three friends looked at each other confusedly, then to the fence that McGucket climbed behind, then to the street where Melody was a moment ago, attempting fruitlessly to piece together what it was that happened. 

“Hey, Soos?” Dipper began. “I know I’m not a dating expert by any means, but I don’t think that that was a good sign . . .” he admitted. 

Mabel ignored her brother’s skepticism and walked over to Soos, placing a hand on her friends’ forearm in support. “I’m sure it wasn’t anything it was that you did that weirded her out. Maybe she just has other things to get to?”

“But what was all of that with McGucket?” Soos questioned. “What did he mean by ‘evil’?”

“McGucket’s just . . .” Dipper trailed off, attempting to find the proper adjective to describe the man. “McGucket,” he finished. “He’s always shouting gibberish.”

“But didn’t you see how scared he was of her? She didn’t do anything to him! It was super weird, even for him.”

“Hm,” Dipper scratched his chin in thought. “Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned while living here, it’s that everything happens for some supernatural reason or another.” He opened his vest and revealed his most prized possession:

The journal.

“And I think I know where I can find some answers.”


	4. The Beginning Part of the End

Melody let out a long sigh of relief the moment she rounded the corner and out of her friends’ sight. She pressed her back to the brick wall of the building and slid down to a sitting position. 

Taking a deep breath, she lowered her head into her arms. 

Sitting back up straight, she dug into her pocket and pulled out the triangular talisman, holding it in her open palm and looking it over, almost studying every aged crack on its menacing surface. 

Had she not been in the middle of a diabolical scheme against the town that was home to the one person who went out of his way just to see her smile, she would have laughed at the whole unlikeliness of it all:

This thing, this small, pathetic pebble is capable of destroying an entire town. 

She gripped the rock in her fist and raised it above her head, her hand shaking in stern preparation to throw it into the sewage drain across the street. 

She was going to do it . . .

That was until she heard it.

‘Huehuehuehuehehehuehue’

Her eyes widened.

She dropped the talisman into her lap. 

Gathering the stone clumsily into her grasp and re-pocketing it, she rose shakily to her feet, using the wall behind her as support in fear of her knees buckling out from under her. She noticed a cool breeze blow over against her as the sound of the demonic chuckle was heard. 

The breeze picked up and blew harder.

The choppy chuckling came again.

‘Huehuehuehuehehehehehuehuehue’

Melody surprised herself when she found that she was able to stand on her own freewill. A newfound sense of confidence (and outrage) came over her and she soon found herself charging across the street, looking for the source of the maniacal, animalistic chuckling. 

She made it across the street and looked up.

“You promised to stay away from him!”

‘Huehuehuehuehuehehehehehuehuehue’

Melody charged across the sidewalk, careful as to not fall flat on her face once she caught her foot on a mailbox.

“You said you wouldn’t hurt him!”

The chuckling returned, this time, they spoke back.

‘And we’re not! Do you see him hurt, guys?’

‘I don’t.’ 

‘Nope.’

‘Well, I’d say we’re holding up our side of the bargain pretty well.’

‘And didn’t she do a great job at keeping her end?’

‘Outstanding!’

‘Remarkable.’

Melody, her sense of outrage having all but vanished and replaced with dread, spun around, trying to find where the voices were emanating from.

But she couldn’t find anything or anyone out of the ordinary.

‘If she keeps this up, then I think that she has nothing to worry about.’

‘Agreed.’

‘Nada.’

‘Zip.’

“You’re all monsters! How can you be so heartless?”

‘Whoa, whoa there. Not to worry! It’ll all be over before you know it. And your little boyfriend and his . . . ah, acquaintances will be completely untouched by our little spell! You’ve nothing to worry about.”

Melody fisted the fabric of her shirt nervously and bit her lip anxiously. 

“. . . You promise?”

‘Absolutely! Right, fellas?’

‘The spell has already worked its magic on the town. If your little handy man were to be affected, he would have been already.’

‘The same goes for those kid friends of his and that cranky geezer.’

‘And, of course, you.’

Melody let her shirt go and looked guiltily at the ground. She knew what they were saying was completely was true. She has seen the affect her aide in the spell has had on the town first hand. 

The arguing.

The fighting.

And it’s going to do nothing except get worse while she’s there. 

‘Now just take a step back, take a deep breath, relax, stay where you are, and absolutely everything will be okay.’

Call Melody crazy, but she didn’t believe that for a second.

The wind died down.

The laughing in the background faded away, but she still felt like she was being watched.

Melody’s knees successfully buckled under her and she reached out to the mailbox she tripped over to catch herself. 

I can’t take it anymore. 

I have to leave town . . .

. . . But I have to apologize to Soos first . . . 

Later,

The gift shop was closed early that day by Stan himself. On any other day, he would never dream of closing up the shop early and push away potential customers. But he claimed that he had an afternoon of fun planned out for his employees. Why he was suddenly being so charitable to his workers, none of them were sure, but they were also not willing to say anything against it either. 

For the time being, Dipper and Soos weren’t complaining about the lack of customers, as it gave them more time to investigate Melody’s situation. 

The two of them were sitting by the folding table they use for their card games, the journal opened in front of them and lying on its side.

Both pairs of eyes were all but glued to the journal, so much so that neither of them noticed as Mabel ran in and out of the room, an armful of different art supplies each time. She brought down markers, a small handful of rulers, yarn, scissors, construction paper, needles, and all the while, Waddles was not far behind her.

Dipper and Soos shared a grunt of interest as the young detective slowly flipped through the pages, looking for anything that even slightly resembled what they had experienced back at the diner not two hours ago.

The two of them had decided it was best that they narrow their search margin to possessed objects and irrational anger, but the only thing that they had found that even scarcely resembled their tricky scenario was a page about a giant tooth that could somehow cause multiple painful cavities from long distances, causing the infected to writhe and run in pain.

They were guessing that that was not the case.

Finally, Mabel made her last trip into the shop, made her way to the haphazard mess of art supplies at her feet, and made herself comfortable on her stomach, and began drawing with a purple marker on a piece of orange construction paper, her tongue out in concentration.

Dipper turned another page.

“See anything yet, Soos?”

Soos sighed and shook his head. 

“Maybe we’re putting too much effort into this, dude,” Soos admitted. “Maybe . . . maybe Melody just doesn’t like it here. Maybe she just wants to go home.”

“No way, man,” Dipper shot down the negative theory. “She loves it here and she wants to get to know you better. Believe me. She told me and Mabel herself. There’s gotta be something up. We’re just not looking hard enough . . .” He flipped another page.

The door opened and Wendy entered, her gaze fixated on her phone in her hand as she did. 

“So what’s this I hear about Stan taking us out on some sort of ‘fun night’? Is he even here?”

Dipper shook his head. “He went out about an hour ago. He said he needed to take care of something,” he cleared his throat, giving his best impression of his great uncle, “something totally not illegal before we go.”

Wendy nodded. “That sounds a lot like him. Did he say when he’d be back?”

“He should be back in like, another thirty minutes or so. We’re just supposed to hang here for now,” Soos elaborated.

Wendy, showing no sign of having digested any of the information Soos just fed her, immediately lit up and addressed Soos. 

“Hey! So how’s Melody doing? You two aren’t doing anything too inappropriate in front of Dipper and Mabel, are you?” She asked in mocked accusation, raising an eyebrow at her friend. 

“Actually, that’s something we’re looking into right now,” Dipper elaborated. “She’s been acting weird, and so have a lot of people around town. On your way, did you notice anything out of the ordinary about anybody?”

Wendy scratched her chin.

“Well, I did pass Nate and Lee fighting over something that’s totally not worth their time, so that’s not new . . . But now that you mention it, Toby was swinging a few punches over at that tattoo parlor. He’s one of the most harmless people I know around here.”

“Huh. So it sounds like whatever’s happening is affecting people on an emotional level,” Dipper surmised. “Mabel, what do you think? . . . Mabel?”

His sister was all but oblivious to the conversation happening in front of her. Rather, she was focused on the drawing in front of her that resembled a crude, childish drawing of Melody wearing a large, comically oversized purple sweater. On the sweater were the likes of Melody’s and Soos’ face in the center of a large heart. All the while, Waddles was lying next to her, chomping on an unused piece of green construction paper.

“Hello? Mabel?” Dipper tried again.

Mabel, not prepared for the interruption, squiggled outside of the lines. “Huh?”

Dipper’s original question died in his throat and a new question formed. “What are you doing?”

“I’m drawing blueprints for a new sweater especially for Melody!”

“Not to sound rude or anything, but what for?” 

“Dipper, Dipper, Dipper,” his twin shook her head, “don’t you know that in order to wrap a person with your love, you have to do it handmade? So I decided to make her a sweater of her own!”

“Oh?” Wendy asked, taking a knee next to her young gal pal, ruffling her hair. “Then where’s my sweater?”

“Yours is next!”

“Anyway,” Dipper interrupted, gaining the attention of the two girls, “I was wondering what you thought of what happened back at the diner.”

“Oh that was sixty seven shades of whack pack!” The child declared. “I’ve never seen everyone so riled up like that over no reason before.”

“I thought so too,” Dipper agreed, “but that doesn’t help me at all in trying to figuring out what’s causing all of this!”

Dipper spread his hands across the table agitatedly, then was surprised to feel the tender touch of Soos’ hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner, a smile on his face to accompany it. 

“Don’t worry, li’l dude. You’re like the smartest guy I know. I’m sure you’ll find something soon. Besides, maybe we actually are looking too deep into this. Maybe everybody is just upset over some sort of sports score or somethin’? I’m sure it’ll all blow over soon,” he said in a confident voice, but didn’t have the confident heart to reinforce it.

Dipper, however, remained verbally skeptical. “I dunno, dude,” he admitted. “Something just doesn’t add up. Everything I’ve encountered this summer points to something bigger that could be right under our noses! But we always seem to-“ 

He was interrupted with another hand on his shoulder, this time it was from his secret love Wendy, who had snuck up behind him. 

He fought the heat that crept into his cheeks.

“Dude, Soos might be onto something. You’re too busy thinking your little butt off that you just might let life pass you by. You need to take a deep breath, dude.”

Dipper lowered his gaze and sighed. 

“I guess you’re right. Maybe this is just something that actually has nothing to do with the supernatural.”

Wendy smiled at her friend.

“Hey!” Mabel exclaimed. “Maybe Melody could come with us to whatever Grunkle Stan is taking us to! We could help her break out of her shell a little bit! I’m an excellent shell-breaker,” she bragged a moment before she pulled a hammer from a pocket in her backside that none of them noticed and slammed it onto the floor, alarming her pet pig, sending him panicking into the other room.

“Um, do you always carry a hammer around with you?” Dipper questioned. 

“I’ve carried it with me all summer waiting for that opportunity,” she admitted.

A moment later, the phone rang on the front counter. 

All eyes turned to Wendy.

“Oh I see,” she said, not nearly as offended as she sounded, “just because I’m the girl at the front counter means I always have to answer the phone.” 

“That’s about the size of it,” Dipper teased. 

Wendy didn’t protest as she made her way to the phone and answered it. 

“Hello, you’ve reached the Mystery Shack, where we put the ‘fun’ in no-“

She was cut off by what the others heard as a loud, gruff voice on the other end that they automatically assumed belonged to Stan. 

‘Where are you guys?’ The rest of the group managed to hear.

“We’re just at the Mystery Shack, waiting for you,” Wendy informed her employer. 

‘Well get your sorry sacks over to Lake Gravity Falls! I’ve got the surprise ready!’

“Hey, wait!” Wendy managed to catch him before he hung up. “Would it be okay if Melody tagged along too?”

‘You mean Soos’ web-pen pal? Sure! The more the monier- I mean merrier! Just get over here!’

Wendy was then met with the definitive click of the other line and the annoying dial tone.

She hung up the phone and cracked her knuckles. “”Welp, we’re supposed to meet him over at Lake Gravity Falls now.” 

“My truck’s just outside. We can pick up Melody on the way,” Soos instructed, opting the group of friends to rise to their feet (Dipper placing his journal back into his vest) and make their way to the door. 

Soos was the first to make it to the door and opened it, holding it open for his friends to exit. He was surprised when the three of them froze in place, their gaze facing toward the door and each of their faces displaying surprise. 

Soos, curious to the developing events, turned to the outside to see Melody standing on the front porch, her hand in the air in preparation to knock, a surprised look of her own on her face.

“M-Melody!”

The woman in question rubbed her arm nervously and averted her gaze from Soos, instead finding the wood beneath her feet more interesting. 

She opened her mouth to speak after a few awkward moments of silence before Mabel beat her to it.

“Melody!” She exclaimed. “Are you doing anything right now?”

The question took her by surprise. “Um, well, no. I was actually here to-“

“Great! Let’s go!”

With that, Dipper and Mabel rushed to Melody’s side and gripped her hands, tugging her along with them, her pleas of protest going unheard by the children and found amusing by Wendy and Soos as they dragged her away.

Later,

The drive to the lake was a bit more awkward than Soos would have liked.

Finding it appropriate for Melody to have shotgun, Wendy, Mabel and Dipper insisted that they occupy the three back seats and allow Soos to be in close ‘conversation distance’ as Mabel called it. 

But, to their confusion, no words were passed between the two the entire time. 

Melody, her arm still rubbing her side in anxiousness, looked out the window, as if she were contemplating something the entire ride through town on the way to the lake.

Wendy was about to offer a clever conversation starter, but Soos had already parked the car by the entrance to the beach, abruptly killing her motivation to speak. 

All five heads looked straight ahead and were shocked to see what they did.

Standing on the beach, just shy of the crashing waves on the shore, was Stan, dressed in his usual tuxedo getup, but it was what was behind him that caught their attention.

A large, pristine, shiny white double decker yacht.

The passengers exited the truck and stepped onto the beach, gazing both in awe and confusion at the large boat.

“Well it’s about time you sorry bunch of killjoys get here!” The old man exclaimed with a large smile and a hearty chuckle. 

“Mister Pines,” Soos started. “What is this?”

“What does it look like? It’s a boat, ya yutz!”

“I think what he means is,” Dipper filled in, “where, how, and why did you get this thing?”

His great uncle waved off the tween’s accusations. “Ah, all those details aren’t important. What is important is that I take my favorite group of know-it-alls in the world for an evening of unforgettable fun! Now what are all of you land lubbers still standing there for? The boat’s a-watin’!”

Later,

It really was a nice evening for a boat trip. The sun was still high in the sky, showing no sign of setting despite the time being five in the evening. The soft spray of the lake was just enough to cool them all down as they sat comfortably on the top level of the yacht. 

Stan was in front of them on the platform they rested on, holding the wheel and singing to himself as he steered. The seating supplied for them was a set of mounted couches. Soos and Wendy sat next to each other while Soos sat on a set of couches adjacent to theirs. Meanwhile, Mabel was a level below them, her tiptoes hanging off of the bow, her arms outstretched wide.

“I’m queen of the Falls!”

None of them paid her any mind. 

Instead, Wendy and Dipper were focused on Soos, his posture slouched and he kept himself busy twiddling his thumbs, all the while looking down at his feet.

Dipper cleared his throat, gaining his friends’ attention.

Soos looked up to see Dipper motioning his head toward the railings. Soos followed his direction and found Melody leaning against the railings, her backside to them and her gaze facing the forest.

Soos looked back to Dipper and shook his head, not sure if it is best to speak with her after an entire truck-ride of silence to the lake and rather leave her to her thoughts. 

He was rebutted with a pair of heads bobbing up and down in encouragement. 

Finding no way out of the situation, Soos sighed and rose to his feet.

As quietly as he could, Soos made his way to Melody’s side. If she was aware of his sudden presence, she showed no sign of it. Instead, she just kept staring out into the open space around her.

Soos cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“Hey.”

“ . . . Hey, Soos.”

The handy man leaned against the railing next to her, patting the metal bar to a tune he had heard earlier.

“So-“

“I-“

They both started at the same time.

“Sorry, you go-“ They said at the same time.

“Okay, I’ll-“ They jinxed again. 

They covered their own mouths in a futile attempt to let the other speak. 

The seconds ticked by, but none of them spoke.

Feeling the moment getting more and more awkward, Melody could not keep the smile from crawling across her face, her smile peeking out from behind her clasped hand followed by a snort of laughter.

Soos, unable to fight the fit of giggles crawling up through his body, began laughing as well.

Before either of them knew it, they had erupted into an enormous fit of giggles and snorts that lasted for what seemed like forever. 

And honestly, Soos wish that it had.

A moment later, their giggles had died down and they both began to breath normally again. They both leaned against the railing once more and gazed out toward the forest.

“It’s a beautiful day,” Melody surmised. 

“Yeah,” Soos agreed. 

The two of them fell back into another spell of silence.

This one, unlike the last couple of ones, was far more comforting to Soos. 

Here he was. 

There they were.

Him and the love of his life, just staring out into the world.

The moment was broken when Melody spoke once again. 

“Soos, can I, I don’t know, tell you something?”

Soos gulped. 

“Uh, yeah. Sure, whatever.”

Melody gripped the railing as hard as she could.

“Soos . . . I’ve done something terrible.”

Out of all the odd scenarios that Soos had prepared himself for in his head, he was thrown off by this one.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I did something awful. And . . . I don’t know if I can make it right.”

“Hey, if this is about the other night where you left without giving us some sort of explanation, I’m totally over that. I leave out of the blue all the-“

“No, it isn’t . . . it isn’t that.”

Melody’s voice trailed off after that, and Soos’ confidence was beginning to fail him.

He turned to see Dipper and Wendy, smiling warmly and encouraging him to keep pressing forward. 

Soos sighed, turned back around to Melody, and gripped her shoulder, grabbing her attention.

“Melody,” he started, a new wave of courage coming over him, “you are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, and I’ve seen some pretty cool things. Like this one time, I saw Stan fight off a pterodactyl to save Mabel’s pet pig. Heck, I even helped fight off a giant sea monster that lives in this lake that actually turned out to be a giant submarine that was shaped like a sea monster.” 

“Um . . .” Melody was unsure how to handle this sudden burst of info.

“What I’m trying to say is that despite all of the totally awesome things that I’ve seen this summer, none of them even come close to being as memorable as it has been to know you. Heck, to even be affiliated with a girl like you is enough for me to die happy.”

All words failed Melody at this point. 

Behind him, Dipper pumped his fist in ecstasy while Wendy waved her wrist in a circular motion, prompting Soos to continue.

“That being said,” Soos continued, not once wavering from his confident façade, “I want you to know that you can tell me anything, and I mean anything, and that won’t make me not like you.”

Melody let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding at the closing of Soos’ speech.

Here’s the single greatest man she’s ever known, the one willing to make a fool of himself in public in order for her to feel comfortable, the one willing to put his life on the line to save her from an uncontrollable A.I., the one who went out of his way to make her feel as welcome as humanly possible in this insane town . . .

And here she is, about to destroy everything he knows and loves.

“Soos . . . I-“

“Who the heck is that?” Stan’s gruff voice interrupted her, his hand acting as a shield against the setting sun, gazing out to the shoreline.

Wendy, Dipper, Soos and Melody all diverted their attention to where Stan was looking and found two small figures standing at the very end of the forest, one of them tall and had dark skin. The other was considerably smaller and with a snow-white beard. There was a blunt object in between the two that none of them could make out.

Dipper leaned over the railing to get a better look. 

“Is . . . Is that McGucket?”

BANG!

A loud explosion nearly made them fall back in shock as their ears rung . . .

And none of them noticed as a cannonball flew at breakneck speeds to the yacht.


	5. When it All Makes Sense

KKKKEEEERRRRRSSHHEEEEWWWWW

The irritating ringing in their ears was immediately replaced with a deafening crash against the aft side of the yacht (that may or may not have been stolen). Soos instinctively wrapped his arms around Melody’s shoulders and dove to the floor in fear of any other stray cannonballs, but thankfully, none came their way.

Soos sat up and gave room for Melody to breath. She sat upright and put her hand to her chest, attempting to calm herself down and catch her breath.

She only succeeded in the latter.

“Are- Are you okay?” Soos asked in a panic. 

She gulped. “Yeah. I think so.”

“What in the name of the Canadian Quintuplets was that?!” Stan’s gruff voice shooed away the lingering ringing in his crew’s ears.

Dipper and Wendy, who had fallen to their hands and knees from the impact, rose shakily to a shaking position. “I think that was McGucket!” Dipper exclaimed, pointing in the direction that the cannon blast came from.

“But why would he-“ Wendy began questioning before she was cut off by Soos, who was assisting Melody to her feet.

“Wait, do you feel that?”

The boat’s passengers went silent, attempting to feel the same that Soos was feeling.

A moment later, Dipper felt a lurch in his stomach and his center of gravity shifting behind him, making him and the rest of his friends step backwards to regain their balance. 

He immediately knew the problem.

“We’re sinking! Grunkle Stan, does this yacht have any lifeboats or anything?”

The old man scratched his stubbled chin. “Well, there were two jet skis attached to the back, but I figured that the real owner of this boat would have a fit if I stole those and this. So I left ‘em behind.”

Before Dipper could question the illegal actions of his uncle any further, an alarming thought popped into his head. 

“Mabel!”

He rushed to the starboard side of the platform next to the steering wheel. Gripping the railing, he peered down to the next level where he found his sister, her eyes wide in fear, on her belly and gripping the railing, fighting to stay on the boat.

“Grunkle Stan! Get us to shore, now!” The tween ordered.

Stan wobbled over to the steering wheel, fighting to keep his balance as the yacht continued to list backwards. He clamped onto the wheel with a white-knuckled grip and punched the lever forward. 

The engine miraculously still intact but the aft end taking on an alarming amount of water, the yacht lurched forward accordingly, sending the already wobbly group of friends sprawling onto their hands and knees, Melody gripping the railing once again. 

The starboard side of the boat rose more and more into the air, forcing Mabel to tighten her grip on the railing. She felt her body beginning to leave the surface of the boat and hang limply in the air.

“Dipper!” Mabel yelled desperately. 

Her cries of horror only barely managed to reach Dipper’s ears.

“Mabel! Just hold on! We’re almost to the docks!”

Peering over the railings and looking ahead, Melody could see a set of docks approaching, but she and her friends could feel the engine begin to struggle beneath them.

They reached shallower waters, meaning that the ship was no longer in danger of sinking, but Stan had to be absolutely certain everyone made it off of this boat unhurt. 

Stan cursed under his breath as he felt the engine begin to sputter under the strain, but was slightly relieved to see the docks getting closer . . . but at a much more alarming speed than he would have liked. 

Slamming the lever back in an attempt to slow down, his heart plummeted once he discovered that the yacht was no longer responding to his commands. He slammed the lever up and down in desperation, but his fear was confirmed once he felt the boat give no form of response. 

“Okay guys,” Stan started. “We’re comin’ in hot!”

Not a moment after his warning was finished, the aft end of the boat, now completely submerged under the water, scratched the lake floor. The rest of the ship, acting as a lever of sort, began to descend.

Mabel, finding her chance, leapt from the boat and onto the dock, barely managing to catch herself and avoid falling in the water. She was about to dust herself off while letting out the breath that she had no idea she was holding, but she instantly remembered that she was far from out of danger. 

Not even taking a second glance behind her, she ran down the lengthy dock, her arms raised over her head and her long hair bouncing behind her, screaming at the top of her lungs in fear of the oncoming yacht that was under no control save for its own momentum that it had built up.

The front of the ship cut through the dock as if it weren’t even there, sending a barrage of splinters and planks raining into the lake and barely missing the female twin by inches.

Screaming at the top of her lungs all the while, she didn’t dare turn to look back at the white behemoth behind her in fear of losing speed.

The yacht continued to slice through the dock, only now just showing signs of slowing down.

Mabel, however, was not planning on slowing down any time soon.

“Agh! Whyisthisdocksoinconvenientlylong?!” She asked in one breath.

After having finished her question, Mabel leapt forward and made it onto the grass, running forward until she lost her footing and fell flat on her face.

The yacht, after demolishing most of the dock, finally lost its momentum and rested calmly on the shore, listing slightly on the port side.

Its queasy inhabitants rose for the final time to their feet, gripping the railings and propping their hands on their knees in feeble attempts to regain their balance. 

“Is . . .” Stan breathed, “Is everybody okay?” He gripped his chest.

“I’m good,” Dipper confirmed.

“Present,” Soos spoke up, leaning on the bolted down couch. 

“I’m cool,” Wendy said unconvincingly. 

“Can we just get off of this thing already?” Melody eagerly asked.

It didn’t take long for them to evacuate the boat and drop onto the remains of the dock, walking slowly but steadily back to dry land.

Stan dropped to his knees and kissed the ground. “Ah! Mother Earth! Where an old curmudgeon like myself can thrive without the interference of the merciless Poseidon! . . . I thought he and I were cool.”

Dipper’s first priority was to check on his sister, who was still lying face down on the grass.

“Mabel! Mabel? Are you okay?”

His purple-sweatered twin shifted in the grass before giving him a shaky thumbs up.

Soos was behind the group, hands on his knees and panting. As soon as his breath caught up with him, he looked forward to see Melody, her back to him and her head tilted up, looking over the tree line and into the sky.

Following her gaze, Soos stood upright and let his jaw drop. 

“. . . Whoa dude . . .”

Soon after, Stan, Dipper, Mabel and Wendy looked up to see what the awe-struck handy man was looking at before they dawned similar shocked expressions of their own.

The sky, which they could’ve sworn was crystal clear when they departed on the boat, was now overcast in a threatening shade of blood red, plumes of smoke rising into the air.

Mabel dusted herself off and rose to her feet, having all but completely forgotten about her near-death experience and finding the scene before her more worth her attention. 

“What the flip flop?”

“What the heck could’ve happened?” Dipper asked incredulously, but no one was able to offer any sort of definitive answer.

The only thing he received was a breathless Melody speaking almost inaudibly but loud enough for everyone to hear.

“This isn’t right,” she mumbled. “They . . . They said that you guys wouldn’t be hurt . . .”

“Wait, what?” Dipper started.

“They promised you guys would be safe. They never said anything about-“

“Who said that?” Soos asked suddenly, coming up from behind her and grabbing her by the shoulders, spinning her around so she was looking into his eyes. “What are you talking about, Melody?”

Instead of offering the explanation all of them craved, Melody only gripped Soos’ arms and looked him directly in the eyes.

“Soos, listen to me,” she demanded, her voice displaying that of the utmost seriousness. “You and your friends aren’t safe here. You need to leave. Now. While you still can.”

“Melody, I don’t-“

He was cut off by the one thing that neither he, nor his friends behind him (and if she was honest with herself, she was not expecting either) were prepared for.

She kissed him.

Right then and there.

Gripping his forearms harder, she lunged forward and crashed her lips onto his. 

He didn’t have a moment to revel in the moment he had been secretly hoping for all along as she pulled away from him almost the instant she made contact, looking guiltily into his eyes.

“I’m so sorry for everything, Soos.”

With that, she pushed hard against his chest, the man child tumbling onto his backside before she made a beeline into the woods, disappearing into the foliage. 

Stan and Wendy made their way to Soos’ side and helped him to his feet.

“Melody! Wait!”

He charged forward, paying no mind to his friends behind him. Instead, they all got the hint and began running after Melody with Soos in the lead.

Later,

Melody was afraid that she’d never lose them.

She was honestly surprised that a man with a physique such as Soos’ (and she in no way shape or form looked down on him for it. She found his bulk actually . . . comforting to be close to), was able to keep up with her for as long as he did. There was also the miserly Stan, who was also able to keep the pace between Soos, the twins and Wendy. 

After tucking herself behind a tree and waiting for a few minutes, she listened as her friends’ voices faded away into the distance.

After being certain that she had given her friends the slip, she heaved a sigh of relief and rose to her feet, dusting off her midsection. She peeked behind the tree one last time to make sure she was alone.

She placed her back to the tree and put her hand on her chest, shaking her head in shame.

Looking up at the sky, she could feel her heart plummet to her stomach, not expecting to see the beautiful blue sky be shrouded by the hazy red overcast with pillars of smoke billowing into the air.

How could it have worked do fast? 

I’m running out of time . . .

Without wasting any more time, Melody burst deeper into the foliage of the Gravity Falls forest. Minutes ticked by, but she had yet to find the entrance that she was looking for. Her ankles and lower-section of her legs were getting sore from sprinting continuously through the uneven terrain.

It was only then that she got a desperate idea.

Pulling out the talisman from her pocket, the one, singular, pathetic piece of rock that got the entire town into this mess, and held it face-level in her palm.

She sighed.

“Alright . . . You guys owe me. Just show me where you are.”

She waited for several seconds for something to happen . . .

And she waited longer . . .

Only to be disappointed when nothing happened. 

She wrapped her fingers around the talisman and squeezed it tightly, her vision growing even redder than the threatening shade of red in the sky.

“Come on! Just come out already!”

She threw the stone as hard as she could . . . and jumped back in surprise once it seemingly bounced off of some sort of invisible barrier and landed back at her feet.

Backing up in surprise and gasping in shock, Melody watched as the air rippled downward, as if a small pebble had been lobbed into an undisturbed pond. Once the ripples receded, an image began to flicker in the center of what appeared to be a hidden clearing of the forest. 

Melody took two more cautious steps backward, unsure of whether the development before her was either a good sign or a deadly one.

After the images of the trees faded away, she was met face to face with the gaping wide maw of an opening to a cave, the tunnel inside snaking into a left turn and a distant fire danced light off of the walls.

Her sense of frustration of having found no sign to the entrance of their cave having finally been nullified but her sense of dread and uncertainty far from leaving any time, soon, she took a deep, brave breath in, picked up the talisman, held it tightly to her chest, let her breath out slowly, and entered the cave.

Meanwhile,

“Wait! Come back!”

Soos knew it was no use. A person who was running away from you wouldn’t find the need to return to you just because they simply shouted out ‘come back’ a lot. 

But, at this point, Soos was willing to get on his knees and beg for Melody to come back.

He wanted her at his side. 

He wanted her to tell him what she knew that the rest of them didn’t . . .

He wanted to hold her as closely and as tightly to himself as he could and whisper to her that everything would be alright.

And if that wasn’t the case, then he would be willing to do anything in his power to make everything alright.

He’d be willing to do anything for this woman.

And he was going to make sure that she knew it.

The five of them had been running for what felt like an eternity, but they came no closer to finding the frightened woman.

His strength finally beginning to waver, Soos was forced to put his hands on his knees and catch his breath. The sound of twig snaps behind him gave him the clue that Stan, Dipper, Mabel and Wendy were still keeping up with him.

“Did you . . .” Dipper panted, “did you find her?”

Soos turned on his heel to face his group of exhausted friends and shook his head sadly.

“Well-Well maybe she went back to the shack!” Mabel offered optimistically, but her cheerful mask could be seen through by everyone. “She . . . She probably forgot her purse there or something! Maybe if we go back, we could-“

“Mabel, listen to yourself!” Dipper snapped his sister out of her hopeful fantasy. “There’s no way she’d go back to the shack. She’s gotta be around here somewhere. She knows what’s going on here and we need her to tell us what!”

“Maybe she left tracks behind?” Stan offered. “You know, like her footprints . . . Girls leave footprints too, right?” He whispered to Wendy.

She showed no sign of interest in answering Stan’s bizarre question and simply walked up to Soos’ side, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s alright, big guy. We’ll just take a break and-“ 

“Take a break? We can’t take a break!” Soos shot her down. “Melody’s lost in here somewhere and it’s up to us to find her! We can’t let her run into town all alone! She could be hurt! We don’t even have any idea what’s going on over there! Mister Pines is right! We’ve gotta look for tracks. Look around . . . See if you can find something that looks like the cutest footprint that’s come from the most perfect foot ever,” he instructed, not fully aware of the odd request that he had just instructed the group to do.

In accordance to what he asked, the group dispersed into individual groups, looking closely to the forest floor, trying to find anything that resembled Melody’s footprint. 

But the task was especially made more difficult due to the foliage littering the ground.

It took a full five minutes of hunting before the group heard the young, shrill voice of Mabel shouting to them. “Over here! I think I found something!” 

None of them wasted any time in sprinting over to Mabel’s location. 

They regrouped in front of a large, thick oak tree, where a wide-eyed Mabel stood, staring straight ahead.

“Mabel? What is it? Did you find her footprints?” Dipper immediately pressed the moment he reached his sister. He was met with no response. Rather, she gestured for her friends and family to follow her around the tree. 

The small girl walked around the tree, prompting the group to follow. 

They made it to the other side and Mabel pointed forward. Each of them following where her finger was pointing, their eyes went wide and their jaws all but went slack and fell at the sight of the random cave in the middle of a clearing.

“No,” she admitted, “but I think I found something better.”

Later,

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to assume that the mysterious cave that randomly appeared in the middle of a forest full of trees and bushes was where Melody ended up.

It also didn’t take one to know that that was where the group went into next.

They entered the cave, tiptoeing and being wary of the sounds they made, in fear of something hostile residing inside. As soon as they were a hundred paces in, they picked up the pace and walked regularly deeper into the cave, the flickering light off the walls their only source of light, and their only confirmation of another form of life somewhere inside.

But for each twist and turn that the five of them took, they were immediately disheartened when they were met with another tunnel for them to travel down.

And another tunnel . . .

And then another.

Each tunnel bringing them supposedly deeper and deeper into the cave, but the light continued to flicker off the side of the walls, almost beckoning them forward. 

Soos’ courage never once wavering, he continued to press forward, despite the dangers of whatever may be at the end of this seemingly endless cave. The others followed in tow, following Soos in a single file line with Stan in the back.

After one final turn, Soos found the light beginning to flicker brighter and stronger than the ones in the past.

“Come on,” Soos whispered, waving his friends forward, “I think we’re getting closer.”

“You said that four turns ago,” Stan grumbled under his breath, earning himself an elbow to his ribs from his cashier.

They approached the final turn, the light dancing brighter and faster on the wall across from them giving them the confirmation that their destination was, indeed, beyond this turn. 

Pressing his back to the rocky wall, Soos shimmied over to the edge, careful as to not reveal himself just yet to whatever may be waiting for them on the other side. He leaned over to get a better look around the corner, and was surprised to see nothing there. The only thing that was awaiting them was a large, empty anteroom of sorts. Torches hung on the walls around the room, explaining where the flickering lights were being emitted from. In the center of the room were three fire pits arranged in a large triangle, each of them distanced about fifteen feet from the other and filled with charred wood.

Squinting in confusion, Soos waved his hand forward, motioning for the rest to follow. 

Mabel gulped, tapping her index fingers together nervously. “I’ve got a not very good inkling about this . . .”

After a moment of cautious tiptoeing, the small group of reluctant adventurers made their way to the center of the room, in the middle of the arranged fire pits.

Their backs pressed against each other’s, they each took a long look at their new surroundings.

“The heck is this place?” Wendy questioned first. “And why does it look ready to host some sort of lame-o campground games?”

“I dunno,” Dipper admitted. “But I don’t think that the journal will give us an answer for this.”

To make the uneasy group of friends feel even more uneasy, the fire pits simultaneously came to life, a large blaze of fire igniting the once-dormant pits. All five of them flinched in fear, unprepared for the sudden ignition and drastic increase of temperature. 

Only when their heartbeats had returned to their normal, non-frightened paces was when they heard it

‘Huehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehehehehehuehue’

A distorted, demonic, enormously unsettling chuckle echoed through the cave and reverberated inside of their chests.

The chuckling returned, but this time accompanied by even more chuckles. 

Stan tugged at his collar uneasily. “Say, who, ah, who turned on the laughed gas? Eh?” He attempted to lighten the mood, but was met with no response. 

He was, however, met with the sounds of multiple footsteps making their way closer to the group of frightened friends. 

After being certain that the footsteps were coming from the tunnel that they had just exited from, they each turned their attention to the exit.

The steps got louder.

Closer.

Finally, it stopped . . . And three, inhumanly large, hairy beasts burst into the anteroom.

They each stood ten feet tall and wore no form of clothing. Rather, their chests and abdomen were bare and colored a sickly pink fleshy color with smudgy black polka dots. Their backsides had long, black pelts going down the length of their backs, and gray fur covered whatever the black pelt did not. Their legs were backward, animal like and their arms were long and muscly with long claws at the end of their paws. Their mouths were elongated like a canine’s and sharp teeth were displayed on the outsides of their mouths.

They each burst into the room at once, but it was the one on the far right that caught their attention. 

Melody was hugged tightly to the monster’s chest, its long arms wrapped in an X around her. Her face displayed nothing less than absolute horror.

Soos’ heart jumped to his throat and he took a step forward, but not daring to take another, reaching a helpless arm in front of him.

“Melody!” He cried. “You let her go!”

The group was met with another round of demonic, choppy chuckling.

“Did you-did you hear that?! He wants us to let her go!” Wailed the one who was holding her, throwing his head back in laughter and showing no signs of loosening his grip on Soos’ current interest, igniting a fury deep inside of his chest.

A hand on his forearm kept him from doing anything irrational.

Peeking down, Soos saw the young, confident looking face of Dipper. 

Offering Soos no words, Dipper marched forward, stopping a safe distance away from the animalistic monsters in front of him.

“Who are you? And what are you doing with her?”

The monster in the middle sighed in what appeared to be distaste. “Yes, yes. I suppose we do owe you some explanation.” He sighed again. “I always hated doing this. It just gets so repetitive, you know?”

“Absolutely.”

“It never gets any better, no matter how many hundreds of years you manage to sleep,” the others agreed.

“Stop stalling!” Dipper demanded. “What are you doing here?!”

“Okay, okay,” the middle one calmed down the miniature detective. “Man, these humans get more demanding each time I see them.” 

He cleared his throat.

“My name is Ludoficious. To on my sides are my brothers, Plarioucious and Maximus.”

The monsters in questioned offered small waves. 

“Sup?” 

“To answer your previous question, we’re what’s known as the Armina Hyenas.”

“What are you doing here?” Wendy pressed on.

“What else? We’re here to do our job! We were, after all, invited to do so in this town.”

“Invited?” Stan inquired. “Who the heck invited you flea bags?”

They each chuckled again. 

“Why don’t you ask her right now?” Ludoficious taunted, gesturing over to a guilt-ridden Melody.

Soos stepped forward. “M . . . Melody? You brought them here?”

Melody met Soos’ heartbroken gaze. “I’m so sorry, Soos!” She wailed sadly. “They tricked me! They told me that-“

“We did no such thing!” Ludoficious shot back almost defensively. “You were told precisely what would happen and you agreed to our terms. But then . . . you arrive back at our cave and demand us to undo what’s been done? That’s just bad business right there. We may be animals but we’re legit creatures of business through and through.”

“But you said that they wouldn’t be affected by the spell! You said they’d be untouched by it!”

Ludoficious gestured to her friends. “And I did not lie! They are completely unaffected by our spell . . . We never did say that they wouldn’t be harmed as collateral damage, though . . .”

“So you’re the reason for everything that’s been happening?” Mabel questioned. “You’re why everyone’s turned into a gigantic grump?”

“Oh, dear child,” Maximus cooed tauntingly. “We’re far beyond ‘gigantic grump’ in this stage in the game.” 

Before anybody could question the meaning behind the clarification any further, the Hyena stepped forward and swept his forearm in a sweeping motion. The fire fit closest to him blazed brighter, forcing Soos and his friends to step back to avoid them getting their eyebrows burnt off.

Once they were a safe distance away from the now blazing fireplace, they gazed curiously into the center. 

None of them were certain, but they could’ve sworn they saw an image begin to flicker in the very center of the inferno.

A moment later and after a few annoying flickers, a very familiar, very frightening sight came into view.

It was a bird’s eye view of Gravity Falls in complete and utter chaos. There were flames ablaze atop multiple buildings, which explained the smoke billowing up from various points throughout the town that they had seen earlier. The townspeople scurried around like ants. 

The image blinked and the view was now on the street where Wendy’s heart cringed at the sight of her large, burly father, fighting mercilessly with the equally muscly, darker skinned tattooed man they have seen in town before, entwined with one another and rolling on the ground, throwing punches in the other’s face where they found the opportunity. 

Next to them was the thin biker Tyler, watching the scene excitedly. 

“Get ‘em! Get ‘em!” He paused after a moment and scratched his chin. “Actually, I’ll get ‘em!”

With a loud, girly battle cry, he leapt into the heap.

The scene changed to more and more fights throughout the town.

“As you can see,” Maximus, still hugging Melody tightly to his chest, began, “our spell was a complete success. Everyone is now completely angry and irrational.”

As if to sell his point, a voice came from the fire. 

“Ugh! I’m so angry and irrational!” 

The scene changed to another fight. 

And then another. 

And another.

“Stop it!” Melody pleaded. “Please! Just take your talisman back! No one else has to get hurt because of me!”

The image inside the fire vanished and the fire died down a bit afterward.

“Well, we would, but see,” Ludoficious began with a twisted smirk, “as I said before, that would just be bad business.”

“Why are you doing this?!” Soos demanded, finally finding the courage to speak. “Why are you destroying our town?”

The Hyena People shrugged. “Well, long story short,” Maximus started, “it’s what we’re made to do.”

“What are you talking about? What are you made to do?” Dipper inquired.

“Let’s see, how do we put this in a way for a child to understand?” Ludoficious scratched his chin, ignoring the furious gaze from Dipper. “You know how you humans need food in order to survive? Well, it’s a little different with us.”

“Instead of food and water,” another continued, “we feed off of drama and violence! That’s our life force! The reason we live and continue to live!”

“So you create destruction wherever you go? Just so you can satisfy your sick hunger pangs?” Wendy put together. 

“That’s about the size of it, yep,” Maximus confirmed.

“See,” Ludoficious continued, “we Armina Hyenas sleep for about a hundred years or so after we get done feeding off of the destruction of whatever city we pick. So, as you can imagine, when we wake up, we’re pretty hungry. So we find whatever place vulnerable enough for our little spell, find someone to make a deal with, and then let the rest happen on its own. As soon as we are finished, we fall back asleep for another hundred years.”

“So you’ve done all of this before?” Mabel asked incredulously. “Why haven’t people done anything to stop you?”

“Um, hello? Pompeii? The Salem Witch Trials? You don’t really think those were just a coincidence, do you? We just find someone foolish enough to make a deal with, they allow us to enter their town, and then we work our magic. After that, history just rewrites itself into ways that are easy for you idiot humans to understand.”

“I wonder what it will be this time.”

“Maybe they’ll claim it was an earthquake.”

“Or some sort of invasion.” 

“It’d be refreshing to see another revolution. We haven’t had one of those in a while.”

“But why Gravity Falls?” Mabel asked again. “Why here?”

Plarioucious shrugged. “Sorry kid. That was just the luck of the draw.”

Stan stepped forward. “Wait, wait, wait, back it up a sec. You said something about making a deal with people. What’s that all about?”

Ludoficious chuckled and rubbed his palms together. “This is my favorite part,” he admitted. “See, because we’re never allowed to leave our little, ahem, humble abode,” he gestured around him to the anteroom, “we need someone to deliver our spell onto the city . . . And your precious little, ah, Melody was it? She was the prime candidate for the little mountain town of Gravity Falls!” 

The three of them erupted into another chorus of horrible cackling. 

Soos, blocking out the chuckles, simple looked sadly into Melody’s eyes. 

“Melody? What are they talking about?”

Before Melody could even open her mouth to speak, Plarioucious walked over to another fire pit and waved a claw over it. 

“Here,” he invited menacingly. “Let’s show you, instead.”

All five pairs of eyes went to the fire as another image flickered in its center.

Melody recognized it as her own bedroom back in Portland. Her likeness was sitting at her computer desk, and on the monitor, Soos’ smiling face was displayed.

“So, everything’s pretty normal around here,” Soos filled her in. “Nothing new in terms of giant monsters or anything.” 

Melody chuckled. “Well, that’s good to hear. I don’t want to see you getting hurt, now.”

“I’ll try my best,” Soos promised. “I talked to Stan about getting a few extra days off so I could come visit, but the tourists are pretty persistent this year.”

Melody nodded sadly in understanding. “It’s okay. We’ll be able to meet up some other time, I’m sure,” she lied as best as she could, making sure the calendar behind her was out of Soos’ line of sight.

“Say!” Soos suddenly burst with excitement. “You’ll never believe what Dipper found in the woods. It was this-“

“Um, Soos, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to be heading to work here pretty quick.”

A disappointed Soos dropped his smile and looked sadly at the ground. 

“Oh, um. Okay then . . . Same time tomorrow, then?”

Melody smiled warmly and held her palm on the screen. “Same time tomorrow,” she confirmed.

With that, the screen went black and Melody was left alone in her room. She sighed sadly and spun her swivel chair around to look at the calendar hanging on the wall behind her, frowning at the date that was circled, labeled ‘MOVING DAY’ in large black lettering. 

She couldn’t tell Soos that she was being relocated to the Meat Cute chain in Wisconsin via webcam. That was something that had to be done face to face.

And that would not at all be easy.

The scene disappeared and was replaced with Melody walking outside down a sidewalk, a dense line of trees beside her with hands tucked sadly in her pockets.

She didn’t even flinch as the uncharacteristically brisk gust of wind hit her in the face, she was so deep in thought. 

She knew that the best thing to do was to tell Soos about the big move the next time they video chat, but she couldn’t dare face the heartbroken gaze he would no doubt display after he heard the news.

She shook away the image and looked forward as she walked. 

“Come on, Melody. Just . . . Look at the positives. It’s not like I’m leaving anyone here. And Dad will be fine on his own for a while.” 

As she continued to fruitlessly convince herself that everything would work out for the better, she noticed a rustle in the bushes at her side.

Flinching in surprise, she gazed curiously at the bush.

It rustled again.

“Hello?”

Again it rustled. 

“Who’s there?”

It stopped.

“Hmm.” Melody waved it off and was about to continue her stroll, but was stopped by another gust of cool air, this time coming from the trees.

Curiosity overcoming her common sense, she ran into the forest.

After running and panting for what felt like a small eternity, she was met with the large maw of a cave . . .

Along with three pairs of glowing red eyes. 

“Hello, dear. Mind to make a deal?”

The scene disappeared again and this time, the fire went out completely. 

The group of friends were completely silent, none of them willing to break it.

“So, long story short,” Ludoficious continued, “we . . . persuaded her boss over at Meat Cute to relocate her here so she could be closer to this tub of awkwardness here,” he gestured distastefully in Soos’ direction. “And in return, she recites our spell, allowing us access into your calm little town.”

Soos, having heard the continuation but not wishing to follow it up with a response of his own, only gazed sadly in Melody’s eyes.

“Melody . . . You did this? All of this? To be closer to me?”

“I’m sorry, Soos!” She cried out, pressure beginning to build behind her eyes. “I . . . I only wanted to be with-“ 

“Shut it! All of you!” Ludoficious barked. “I’m sick of all of this explaining. You five don’t belong here. It’s time for you to leave!”

Maximus, adjusting Melody in his grasp, tossed her to the side like a ragdoll. She hit the cave wall violently and fell to the floor. On impact, a row of stone bars rose in front of her, locking her in a makeshift cage.

“Melody!” Soos cried out.

He was unable to reach her, however, as the three Hyena People, now on their hands and feet, resembling their animal of inspiration, barked just inches away from their faces. The group backed away from them slowly as to not provoke them further. 

Behind them, the last fire place grew bigger and brighter, baring the image of the Mystery Shack, untouched by the riots in town not ten miles away.

They barked louder and leapt forward. 

The group had no choice but to back themselves closer to the fire.

Ludoficious stood upright again. 

“Now, don’t come back!” 

With that last command, he reared his large leg behind him, and swiftly kicked all five of them in the chest, sending them all flying back-first into the flames.

But instead of the scorching heat they were all expecting . . . they were met with soft grass. 

They each fell in a crumpled heap on the front lawn of the Mystery Shack, moaning and groaning in pain. 

Soos, ignoring the throbbing pain in his chest, rose to his feet and turned behind him, expecting to see the Hyenas holding the love of his life captive . . .

But he only found the forest staring back at him.

They were gone. 

He’d failed her.

A wave of shame, sadness and guilt washing over him, Soos fell to his knees, let out a shaky breath, and finally allowed the tears to fall.


	6. Soos Finds a Loophole

They could smell the smoke from where they were. 

They could hear the squealing of tires that was shortly thereafter accompanied by a harsh crashing noise, followed by the distant sounds of screams of anger.

The sky was still the sickly shade of red with no shortage of smoke rising into the air, blocking the once crystal clear blue sky that they had gotten used to earlier that very day.

They almost found it amusing.

Today was just like any other day.

Dipper encountered a strange event in town, instantly activating the tiny sleuth inside of him along with his drive to solve whatever it was that plagued the town. 

Mabel was, as always, willing to follow her little brother to the ends of the earth, ready to face whatever trials that awaited them on their search for a solution, offering the group her signature optimism and cheery, can-do attitude.

And Soos . . .

Soos was almost positive his life was going to improve for the better.

The woman of his dreams was moving into his hometown, available to him whenever he needed cheering up (which wasn’t often, but even a guy like Soos needs a confidence booster every now and then), she would be physically there and not just some faraway image on his computer monitor. She could accompany him to wherever they were to go . . .

. . . She would’ve made his next birthday actually bearable if, by the off chance, Dipper and Mabel were unable to attend.

But he guessed that it just wasn’t meant to be that way.

If today has demonstrated anything, it’s that one day can change the outcome of your plans in a single instant. 

Stan had planned to spend the afternoon on the totally-not-stolen yacht as a way to express his gratitude to his employees and young relatives.

He almost laughed in pity at the sight of them now. 

An hour ago they were soaking up the sun on said yacht, and Soos was this close to making it to first base, now here they were, back in the Mystery Shack, hiding in the gift shop like some startled puppy with its tail between its legs.

Dipper and Mabel were sitting in the middle of the floor, both of them looking dejectedly at the floor, rolling a tennis ball between them, both of them catching the ball and gently pushing it back to the other’s direction. Waddles, the only cheerful one of the group was chasing the ball as it rolled to and fro.

Wendy, his ever loyal cashier, was sitting in her usual spot at the cash register, gazing sadly at the cash dispensing machine, pressing the open/close button repeatedly, as if hoping that performing one, single action from her usual routine would somehow return everything back to the way it was. 

Stan was sitting with his back to the vending machine, one knee bent and the other leg extended in front of him. An elbow was propped up on his knee as he simply gazed forward at nothing in particular. 

Soos, understandably, took this blow the hardest. 

He was currently sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the front desk where Wendy was sitting behind. He was practically curled into a ball, his knees tucked tight to his chest and his arms resting atop of them. He buried his face into his arms, unwilling to look up.

His breathing was slow, almost calm, which was ironic because the calm was the farthest thing he was feeling at this very moment. 

He wasn’t afraid either.

He wasn’t scared, or angry, or disgusted or anything of the sort as anyone else in their right mind absolutely would be.

Instead, he was sad.

The woman who he would have no problem spending the remainder of his days with, the one who acted first and kissed him before he could do anything else, is the one who’s responsible for the destruction of Gravity Falls.

And the worst part of it was . . . he was never going to get the chance to tell her he wasn’t upset with her for doing so. 

Even though he has every right to despise her for her actions, he simply couldn’t bring himself to. She had done everything she did just so she could be closer to him.

To him.

Soos.

Soos, while considering himself to be a nice guy, would never have thought that he deserved a person who would be willing to make a dangerous agreement with evil beings just so she could be with him.

He never even thought that he was even the kind of person who would actually be worth the effort to do so. But Melody, evidently, disagreed. She proved to him that he was the kind of person who is worth the effort to be with.

Even if it came to destroying an entire town to prove it.

It was because of him.

It’s all his fault.

But none of it mattered anymore. 

The Hyenas won. 

And there was nothing Soos, Stan, or anyone could do to change that.

Ever since they were expelled from the Hyena’s cave and trudged sadly into the gift shop, the room was filled with a heavy, pregnant silence that no one was willing to break.

If they were all honest with themselves, they were actually afraid to break the silence.

That was, until Stan cleared his throat and rose to his feet.

“Ah, look at all of you weasels. Come on! It’s not that bad. Look! The town is already going back to normal!”

Waltzing to the nearest window with his trademarked fake smile, he opened the window to prove his point, only to have it backfire once the overwhelming sounds of police sirens, firetrucks, and distant yells of terror filled the room instead.

He closed the window, chuckling nervously. 

He gestured to his employees and family, expecting some sort of reaction from the crew, but instead found them wallowing in their own self-pity as they have been for the past hour. 

“Hey, come on, guys!” Stan exclaimed a little more forcefully. He looked to his great niece and nephew.

“You two! No one in my family gives up this easily! It was you two that taught me that to begin with! So how about you get off your sorry butts and start doing something?”

Dipper caught the ball, but didn’t roll it back, much to the disappointment of Waddles.

He looked to his great uncle.

“Grunkle Stan, please,” he pleaded, his voice a few pitches below his usual tone. “We appreciate you trying to cheer us up and all, but-“

“But nothin’ kid!” The elderly man interrupted. “I can’t believe you guys. Sitting here like a bunch of lousy Lucies when we should be out there doing something!”

Dipper rolled the ball back to his sister.

Stan grumbled in frustration before storming over to the preteens, and scooped the ball into his hands.

“Now listen here!” He yelled, turning around to throw the ball into the living room . . . only for it to bounce off of the vending machine and smack him in the nose. 

The ball rolled on the floor a few feet before Waddles successfully swept it into his mouth and waddled out of the room.

Stan recomposed himself and continued to chastise his company. 

“As I was saying, I’m not-“

“Mister Pines, go easy on us, would ya?” Suggested Wendy, who hit the close button for the final time on the register. “None of us are in the mood for it. I highly doubt you are either,” she challenged. 

In response, Stan faced the redhead, raising a finger at the girl and prepared himself to yell at her until his lungs shriveled to raisons, but then deflated once he found out he had nothing to say in return.

Wendy nodded. “I thought so. But we do need to do something, guys,” Wendy suggested. “The town is about to be destroyed soon. We should go find my dad! He’d be able to-“ 

“That’s no good, Wendy,” Dipper cut in. “He’s affected too, remember? He’ll probably beat us all up to the point where we’re already in our own graves.”

Wendy’s heart sank at the thought. 

She rose from her seat and planted both hands on the counter.

“That’s not true! My dad wouldn’t do that to me . . . he wouldn’t do . . .”

“No one has any control over themselves while this spell is active,” Dipper continued. “They probably don’t even know what they’re doing. And it won’t stop until each and every one of them are gone.” He stood up too. “Maybe . . . Maybe we should do what Melody said. We should get out of town.”

Mabel, who had not shifted her gaze from the hardwood floor, shot her gaze up to Dipper in surprise. She got to her feet and made her way to her brother. 

“We can’t leave! This is our home away from home! There’s gotta be something we can do!” 

“What can we do, Mabel?” Dipper pleaded. “Do you have any suggestions?”

Her gaze faltered. 

“I thought so.”

The room fell silent for another few moments before Stan’s grumbling rose from under his breath to a full blown growl, mumbling only partially audible curses to himself.

He stamped his foot to the ground.

“You know what? I blame Melody! None of this would’ve happened if she came back to town!”

Mabel gasped at her uncle.

“Grunkle Stan! You can’t possibly mean that!” 

“You’re darn right I do! Here she comes, her eyes filled with all that lovey dovey garbage, and, fully aware of what she was doing, let a bunch of flea bags into our town! What would lead a person to do that?!” The eldest asked incredulously. 

“Love!” Mabel shot back. “She did it because she loves Soos!” She pointed to the handy man, still curled into his protective ball.

“When you love someone, you have to do anything, everything to make sure that they know it! And if it takes letting loose a few centuries old Hyenas into your town so they can feed off of other’s misfortune, then so be it!” She pounded her fist into her open palm. 

“And Soos,” the tween continued, “now’s the time to show Melody that her love isn’t unrequited!” Mabel approached Soos’ balled up form, placing a hand on his knee. “She’s gone through heck and back to show you that she likes you, and now you’re not going to do anything about it?”

To her surprise, to the surprise of everyone, Soos tilted his head up. His sad, glistening eyes throwing Mabel off guard.

He closed his eyes and sighed.

“Mabel, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. But I-“

“No buts, Mister!” She interrupted, raising her voice to a level barely any of them have heard before. “Do you remember when Jiffany was attacking us with her creepy army of robotic child entertainers?”

“It’s Giffiany.” 

“You risked life, limb, and life to save her from those robots! So what’s stopping you now? A couple of Hyenas let loose from their cages at the zoo? She’s waiting for you to save her again, Soos! And are you going to sit here and pick your disgustingly long toenails? Or are you going to become the knight in shining armor we all know that you can be?”

She finished her tirade with her hands on her hips, gasping for breath.

Awaiting for a response from Soos, she was disappointed once he sunk his head back into his lap. 

“The Hyena’s won, li’l female dude. There’s nothing we can do.”

That remark may have been a sucker punch to Mabel’s gut, as all air was seemingly pushed from her lungs, weakening her knees and slouching her shoulders in defeat. 

She looked around the room to Dipper, Wendy and Stan, hoping any of them would be able to help back her up, but none of them offered any support. 

Closing her eyes, Mabel took a spot next to Soos, placed her back to the counter, and slid down to a sitting position identical to Soos’.

The room fell deathly quiet again.

And this time, the only thing that broke the silence was a certain sound. 

A sound that none of them were expecting at that point. 

It was small laughter.

All eyes went to the center of the room where they found Dipper, standing now alone, chuckling softly to himself, holding his gut, trying to contain his ironic laughter.

“What in the world could you find funny at a time like this, kid?” Stan inquired to his chuckling nephew.

Dipper couldn’t help himself. Despite the situation, despite everything that was happening in his favorite place in the world, he couldn’t help but laugh at the small thought that gave him a momentary release from reality.

“I-I was just thinking was all,” he rubbed his arm. “Soos, doesn’t this remind you of season three episode seven of Duck-Tective? Remember when the mother goose was held hostage and Duck-Tective had to fight his feelings for her to solve the case and save her at the same time?”

If he was honest with himself, Dipper only offered this thought to Soos in the small hopes of brightening his friends’ deflated spirit.

And, to his shock, and the surprise of everyone else in the room, it worked.

Soos craned his neck upwards the slightest bit, dawned the faintest hint of a smile, and chuckled, his shoulders bouncing as he did.

“Yeah, it kind of does,” he agreed sheepishly. “Or like that episode of Gossiping Housewives where Jerome had to . . .find Annette a . . .” He trailed off.

All eyes turned to Soos confusedly as his voice vanished into thin air.

Soos’ head tilted fully upward, his eyes the size of saucers, as if he had just had the most amazing revelation of his life. His jaw hung slack as well, exposing his teeth. 

Dipper leaned in closer, snapping his fingers in Soos’ face to get a reaction from him, but received none.

“Um, Soos?” Dipper started. “Are you-“

Before he could finish his inquiry, Soos shot like a bullet to his feet, startling the detective, sending him sprawling onto his back. 

Soos, oblivious to his friend’s mishap, rose a finger in the air.

“That’s it!” 

Giving his friends no kind of warning, Soos bolted out of the gift shop and into the living room. 

Dipper rose back to his feet, looking at Wendy, hoping for an explanation. She only shrugged in reply.

Soos, meanwhile, was going to work inside the living room, attempting to lift the TV from its resting place. He tugged and pulled harder, but was only able to tug it a few feet towards him before he was forced to drop it. 

Catching his breath, Soos looked back to the entrance to see Stan, Dipper, Wendy and Mabel poking their heads inside, watching the handy man curiously. 

“Soos, what the heck are you doing to my TV? Rages in Cages is on at seven!”

“Mister Pines!” Soos exclaimed, ignoring Stan’s question. “Do you have one of those old timey portable TV’s?” He asked, making a rectangle with his thumbs and forefingers. “You know, those small ones with the enormous antennas?”

Stan squinted his eyes at his employee. 

“Oh, I see,” he said, offense dripping in his tone. “You think that just because I’m an old man that I own one of those things? That is stereotyping, Soos, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

Soos motioned with his hands. “Well, do you?”

“. . . It’s in the spare room, top drawer.” Stan pointed down the hall with his thumb.

Soos, needing no other form of permission, bolted down the hallway. The sound of clattering objects and Soos’ muttering certain words that none of them could make out made themselves present to the group of four confused employees. 

All eyes went to Stan.

“What? A guy like me can’t own an antique TV? It may be a stereotype but that’s a badge I wear proudly!”

A few moments later, Soos ran back down the hall, in his hands was an orange and blue rectangular object. He was fumbling with said object in his hands as if it were a grenade that threatened to go off at any moment unless he placed the pin back inside.

He was mumbling something about damage and how he could handle it.

“Hey, Soos, pal,” Wendy started, “you mind filling us in on your little plan, here?”

Soos stopped muttering and looked to his friends, a confident smirk on his face.

He extended the tiny TV forward.

“Those Hyenas wanna watch drama and violence? Well let’s give it to them.”

Later,

“So let me get this straight,” Stan started skeptically as the five of them exited the shack walked to the front yard. “You plan on putting those flea bags to sleep by making them watch TV?”

Soos shrugged. “Well, all they said was that they needed drama and violence to survive. I don’t see the difference if we were to show them this.”

“Soos is right,” Dipper agreed. “They never said that there was only one way for them to have their fill of violence. I think it’ll work,” he offered optimistically. 

“Well, let’s say that Soos’ hunch is right,” Stan continued, “and that those flea bags will be hypnotized by the magic that is television. But the cave is on the other side of town!” He gestured in the general direction of the town. “There’s no way we’re getting through that riot in one piece.” He tapped his chin thoughtfully, speaking beneath his breath. “Haven’t seen a riot this big since the fireworks shortage of seventy nine . . .”

“And besides,” Mabel began, “what about your truck, Soos? It’s all the way over at the lake! How are we going to get there?”

“Ahem.”

Dipper, Mabel, Soos and Stan looked behind them to find a smirking Wendy with one hand on her hip and the other in her pocket, fishing out a pair of keys that they instantly recognized as the pair that belonged to their golf cart.

Meanwhile,

“Huehuehuehuehehehuehuehuehehe.” 

The demonic chuckling bounced off of the cave walls, ringing in Melody’s eardrums, giving her a migraine that almost made her knees buckle where she stood.

Her hands grasped around the makeshift bars of her cage in the corner of her cave, she glared at the pack of large, humanoid hyenas, their backs to her, huddled around a fire pit, gazing into the picture that the flames provided.

“Look at that one!” One of them pointed. “That goth looking one! Who does he think he’s kidding with that eyeliner?”

“Hopefully he’ll get what’s coming to him pretty shortly.” 

“Hey, wait a minute,” one of them started nervously. “Look over there!” 

The scene shifted in the fire. To what, Melody couldn’t see, as the three of them blocked her view. But she didn’t need to see to know what they were looking at.

“It’s the old man and the fat one with their little friends!”

“What do they think they’re doing?”

The fire displayed the image of the pesky group of humans huddled together inside a golf cart, speeding as fast as the tiny vehicle could carry them through the long Mystery Shack driveway, heading into town and into the fray.

Ludoficious smiled.

“Ah, let ‘em try! They won’t make it past our security system!”

The hyenas chuckled more.

Melody’s grip on the bars tightened.

Soos.

Please be safe.

She sat down in her secluded area of the cave.

At the same time,

“Can’t this thing go faster?” Wendy groused to the miserly driver. 

“Hey, you want this thing to go faster? Then jump off and we’ll lose some weight!”

Stan served as the cart’s driver, pressing the pedal to the floor, opting the small vehicle to travel as fast as it could. Soos was sitting on his right, the TV in his hands, held tight to his chest while Mabel was riding shotgun, gripping the seat as hard as she could. Wendy and Dipper stood on the back platform where the bag of golf clubs would usually sit, gripping the frame of the cart to keep their balance, leaning to the side to see where they were heading. 

Taking a sharp turn that almost flung Wendy and Dipper off of the cart, Stan drove the cart onto the road, and into town.

From the moment they got on the road, the destruction was mindboggling. 

Giant, gaping holes in the walls of stores and buildings, cars crashed into street lights, denting the poles, and the weirdest of them all were the large oval holes in the ground that almost looked like large footprints heading into the heart of the town. 

What created those footprints, they didn’t want to find out.

“Okay,” Stan began, “the fastest way to do this is if we cut through town. Let’s take a left up here,” he pointed to the left turn at a peach colored building. “But that’s where the worst of it probably is,” he warned. “S’gonna be a bumpy ride, kids!” 

“. . . Melody’s worth it,” Soos muttered under his breath, only intending on himself to hear it. What he didn’t realize was that Mabel did hear him. She gazed up at him with sparkling, adorable eyes. The moment was ruined once Stan ran over a pothole, jarring her senses and bringing her back into reality.

“Okay guys, here we go!” 

Stan turned left sharply, Wendy and Dipper’s feet slipping out from under them and flailing behind them as they held their breakneck grips onto the metal frame.

Stan completed the turn and slowed down, allowing Dipper and Wendy to stand regularly. 

Down the street was almost the entire population of Gravity Falls. Lazy Susan, Tyler, Sherriff Blubs, Mister Gleeful, almost everyone that the twins have encountered in their short time in the unusual mountain town were in scattered groups, each of them brawling with another townsmen. 

Cars were flipped and smoking. 

Power lines were bent askew. 

The barrel and ramps factory was entirely ablaze, sending a large plume of smoke skyward. 

“Whoa . . .” Soos gawked.

“Okay guys, this is worse than we thought,” Dipper put together. “We’ve gotta get to the cave, now!” 

“On it, kid!” Stan exclaimed, slamming his foot on the pedal once more, propelling them forward at the cart’s full potential. 

They zoomed past the angry townspeople without a second glance. He swerved around the flipped vehicles and made sure as to not run over any of their friends. After Stan made one last whiplash inducing turn, they appeared to be in the clear.

Stan breathed a sigh of relief. “Well that was easier than I-“ 

Before he could even finish his sentence, a flaming pickup truck flew out of a nearby alley and straight into their path. 

The group let out a simultaneous scream of horror.

“Why do I say those things?!” Stan exclaimed. “It only makes everything worse!”

Acting on impulse, Stan veered the cart to the right, out of the path of the flaming vehicle and into the alley that it came from. 

He turned his attention to his startled passengers. 

“Eh, heheh,” he chuckled deep from his throat. “Just a minor detour. We’ll be back on the road in no time!”

He redirected his gaze to the narrow path in front of him, said path being inconveniently littered with potholes, large dumpsters and the occasional brainwashed townsperson. Stan gripped the steering wheel tighter and leaned forward on his seat, giving his full attention to the path, knowing that one accidental slip up would mean the damage of his not-yet-paid-off cart, or the severe injury of one of his passengers or an angry, unaware civilian.

With utmost precision and tenderness, Stan only slightly turned the steering wheel left and right to avoid the obstacles in his path.

“Use the force . . .”

Stan’s eyes widened at the sudden voice that seemed to pop into his head. 

His heartrate instantly sped up. 

“Is . . . Is that you, St-“

“Soos!” Mabel interrupted.

Stan looked to his right to see his handy man watching the small television.

Soos became aware of everyone’s eyes on him and turned off the TV, chuckling nervously. 

“Sorry, dudes,” he apologized. “I was just trying to see if the batteries still worked. Then I found a really good movie and, well . . .” he trailed off, not offering any more explanation. 

After what felt like forever, they reached the other end of the alley and back onto the road.

Stan pumped his fist.

“Ha ha! I knew I could-“

SLAM!

A blunt impact on the side of the cart forced it to the side and onto the sidewalk. Stan corrected the vehicle and kept driving, its startled passengers finally righting themselves in their positions. 

“What in sweet sunny D was that?!”

“PINES!” A loud, gruff voice shouted over the quiet drone of the cart. 

Behind them, they found themselves being pursued by another small vehicle, this one being a snow white six wheeler, its driver was a fit, middle aged man, dressed in a red shirt that matched the sky, and white shorts. His balding head, lotion-covered nose and no nonsense ten thousand yard stare giving his identity away immediately. 

Dipper and Wendy sighed in annoyance. 

“Poolcheck,” Dipper groaned.

The deranged pool keeper slammed his vehicle into the cart again, almost spilling the passengers onto the pavement at ten miles-per-hour.

“You’ve disrespected the code of the pool!”

He slammed into them again.

“We’ve gotta shake this guy!” Wendy pleaded. 

“I know, I know, I’m working on it!” Stan assured them, but was not aware of Poolcheck pulling up beside his own cart, leaning over and gripping Dipper’s ankle. 

The tween screamed in horror and tightened his grip on the metallic frame of the cart as his foot was pulled out from under him, being tugged toward the psychotic would-be drill sergeant, the ground racing by underneath him as his body was between the two small vehicles.

“Wendy!” He cried, his grip loosening. “Help!” 

His grip slipped . . . and his hand was caught by Wendy. 

She grunted in her attempt to pull Dipper out of his clutches, but found his grip to be superior to her own. She gasped once she took a closer look at the hand around Dipper’s ankle.

“Mister Pines!” She yelled. “Steer right!”

Shrugging in response, Stan did as he was told, steering to the right, opposite of the crazy man who put the young detective’s life in danger. Dipper yelped in pain as his body was pulled in two separate ways, only for his pain to vanish a moment later as Wendy’s plan had worked exactly as she hoped. Poolcheck’s prosthetic hand snapped out of its socket, letting Dipper loose, wasting no time to scramble back into his earlier standing position on the back of the cart. 

Poolcheck, not expecting his appendage to be ripped from him, steered to the left in a panic, unaware of the abandoned, smoking car that was parked in front of him.

His six wheeler crashed into it head on, sending the disturbed man sailing through the air, keeping his horrifying demeanor perfectly intact as he flew, not demonstrating even the slightest bit of fear as any other human would. 

Doing a full flip in the air, Poolcheck landed feet-first on a mailbox that was bolted to the sidewalk, tore it from its spot on the ground where it was bolted, and used his unused momentum to surf the mailbox a good fifteen feet before it came to a stop. 

Standing straight as a board on top of the mailbox, Poolcheck watched as his targets drove around a corner and out of sight. 

Lifting his right arm in front of his face, he looked at the spot where his prosthetic usually would be, and let only a single tear to fall.

Dipper only just caught his breath when he finally gave Wendy a thankful smile, which she gladly returned. Her warm smile quickly contorted into an awkward grimace as her gaze shifted down to his feet. Curiosity overcoming him, Dipper looked down to see that the somehow sentient hand was still gripping his ankle.

“Ew! Ew! Get it off! Get off!”

He kicked it against the side of the cart until it lost its grip and clattered on the ground, growing tinier and tinier as they got farther away from it.

Dipper panted and redirected his attention back to Wendy. 

“Thanks for not saying some lame hand-related pun back there.”

“No sweat.”

“Here we are!” Stan proclaimed, pulling the cart to the edge of the road and putting it in park next to the entrance to the forest. 

Mabel hopped out of her seat and allowed Soos to step out, the TV clutched tightly to his chest and his eyes glued to the forest. Mabel placed a hopeful hand on her friend’s arm and offered him a kind smile. 

“Don’t worry, Soos. We’ll get her back! By the time we’re done with those bunch of-“

“I’m going alone,” Soos interrupted.

Mabel’s smile vanished and was replaced with a look of shock. Then of outrage. 

“Like bleep bloop you are! We’re not letting you-“

“I’m with Soos on this one,” Stan agreed. “I’m not letting you kids anywhere near those flea bags.”

“But Grunkle Stan,” Dipper began to protest, hopping off of his spot on the back of the cart. 

“No buts about it!” Stan shot him down. “Besides . . . As lame as it sounds, this is something that Soos has to by himself.” 

Soos smiled at his employer.

Wendy hopped off of her perch as well, approached Soos, rose up on her tiptoes and gave him a small peck on the cheek.

“Go get your future wife back, Casanova.”

Soos blushed at the request before dawning his serious face and addressing his group of friends. 

“Okay guys, I may not know that much, but what I do know is that some serious stuff’s going to happen in there,” he pointed to the trees behind him. “Get someplace safe. If I’m not back in an hour . . . wait longer. I don’t want you to leave town without me.”

“We’re not leaving without you Soos,” Mabel said firmly, gripping his hand with her tiny, stubby fingers. “But you’ve gotta promise you’ll come back with Melody.”

Soos was about to say something on the more realistic side of things, about how it may not work out the way they want it to, but after looking into her large, saucer eyes, Soos couldn’t help but smile and take a knee in front of her.

“Scout’s honor, little female dude.”

Mabel beamed at her friend and wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him into a tight hug which he more than happily returned. A moment later, he was forced to reluctantly break the embrace and push her away from him, knowing full well she wouldn’t do it on her own. 

“Now get out of here. I’ll do what I can.” 

Nodding in agreement, Wendy took Mabel’s hand and guided her back to the cart. The two of them took a seat next to Stan and Dipper hopped back onto his perch in the back of the cart, offering a sad, encouraging smile of his own. 

“You’ve got this, man,” he said without a shadow of a doubt. 

Stan started the engine, pushed his foot on the gas, and drove away, leaving Soos alone with the TV, standing on the grass at the entrance to the forest. Soos turned to face the doorway to his future and let out a long, calm sigh, looking down at the portable TV in his hands.

“Alright, TV,” he started, desperately needing something to talk to, “if there’s one thing you’ve taught me in life, it’s that violence is the answer to everything.” 

He placed the device in his already occupied tool belt.

“Let’s hope that’s still the case.”

With no apprehension, Soos stepped into the forest.


	7. Soos vs the Forces of Evil

Soos took the first step into the foliage, the first step to what could potentially be the very last day-the very last hour of his existence. 

But he didn’t care. 

In the long run, he found that if he were to not come back, nothing big would change. 

All that matters are his friends. 

Dipper, his best friend ever since the very beginning of summer. The one who has stood by Soos’ side no matter how many times he demonstrated how naïve can be, sometimes multiple times in the same day. But if Dipper felt negatively towards Soos’ naivety, he showed no signs of it and always stood by his side, and Soos was willing to do anything to show him that he appreciated it. And now seemed like the right time to do so. 

Mabel . . . how can he not do this for Mabel? Loyal, innocent, optimistic, cheerful, young Mabel. If a single long strand of her hair were harmed during this, Soos would never forgive himself. Soos was secretly dreading the day that those two had to leave for the school year because he knew that a certain element of fun and light in his now regular daily routine would vanish.

Of course he would still have Mister Pines and Wendy to keep him company. 

Wendy, whose warm smile and casual demeanor overshadowed her occasional laziness was truly one of his best friends. She’s loyal, willing to do anything for the sake of her friends, and is not afraid in the slightest to do what must be done, as she has demonstrated time and time again during the group’s misadventures during the summer. 

Then there’s Mister Pines, the man that he idolizes. Soos had a lot to thank to that man. If he hadn’t offered him a job at the Shack so many years ago, he would never have met any of his friends. It actually scared him to think of how different his life would be if he had not met any of them. They’ve done so much for him and there’s not much he has to offer them in return. 

But now he does. 

He knows it’s a longshot. He knows that it’s almost bound to fail. And he knows that the rest of his friends probably know that too. 

But none of that mattered. 

He has the key to save the town in his hands, as well as the thing that just may save the life of the girl of his dreams.

Melody.

There’s another thing that Soos has to be thankful for having met the twins; they gave him the gentle push forward to pursue her.

And now, with the television in his hands, fastening his tool belt around his waist and adjusting his cap, that’s exactly what Soos intended to do. 

It didn’t take him long to find the cave’s entrance. He may not traverse through the foliage of the forest that often, but he does know his way around it. 

He came up to the entrance of the cave and stopped, looking straight into the pythoning tunnel before him, feeling the warm, dank air rush over him from the heat of his destination. 

He could hear their chuckles from here, which made his drive stronger and his anger boil. 

With his mind set on saving the town and his heart set on saving Melody, Soos took the first step into the cave.

Meanwhile,

The wind blew in the faces of the group as Stan sped back into town to find a better place to hide. 

Wendy and Melody were sitting side by side, the former’s arm slung over the young child’s shoulders supportively. She could feel her shoulders tremble a little. 

Wendy turned to look at Dipper pleadingly, needing his help to pacify his worried older twin, but he had nothing to offer except a shrug, unable to find the words himself.

Instead, the older girl rubbed her friends’ shoulders soothingly. 

“Hey, hey,” she cooed. “They’ll be fine, you’ll see,” she assured, but Mabel could detect the uncertainty in her voice but chose not to point it out. “They’ll be back before you know it and everything will go back to normal,” she continued. “When has Soos ever let us down, huh?”

Mabel drew in a shaky breath as Stan rounded a corner and brought them back to the desolated remains of main street Gravity Falls.

To the surprise of each of them, the street was deserted, no one was in sight. They could hear the screams and riots clear as day a few blocks over, but not a single soul was spotted where they currently were, much to the paranoia of Stan.

“Hmm, it’s quiet . . . I would say that it’s ‘too quiet’, but I usually like the quiet. It gets peaceful when it’s quiet, ya know? But I don’t like this . . .” His eyes shifted to both sides repeatedly. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Stan shuffled in his seat and spoke. “Alright, you guys get out. I’m going to take a quick look around.”

The teen and tweens did as they were told and hopped out of the golf cart, stood shoulder to shoulder and watched as Stan cautiously lurched the cart forward. He made his way down the street until he was met with a T intersection. 

The group of young friends were barely able to make out the image of Stan’s silver haired head look right and left and back to the right repeatedly, then he jumped in surprise, twisted the wheel to the right and disappear behind a corner. 

Each of them dawned looks of surprise and stepped forward, prepared to chase after him, but were stopped once they saw what it was that Stan was exactly running from.

From around the other corner of the intersection came the very familiar white six-wheeler driven by Mister Poolcheck zoom by, the disturbed pool keeper leaning forward on his seat as he drove with only one hand, his eyes dead set in front of him, chasing down Stan’s cart. 

“Mister Pines!” Wendy cried out, reaching her hand forward as Poolcheck disappeared around the corner as well.

Mabel reached up and grabbed Wendy’s hand to prevent her from fruitlessly pursuing her employer and offer her help. 

“Wendy, Grunkle Stan has everything under control!” She assured her. “He’s probably just trying to get him off of our own tail!” 

“Well that’s fine and all,” Dipper started, “but we need to find a place to hide. Pronto!” 

The girls nodded in agreement. 

“Down there!” Mabel pointed to a nearby alley. 

Needing no more encouragement, the trio darted into the alley and didn’t stop until they were halfway into it. Finding refuge in between a silver garbage can and a large green dumpster, Dipper, Mabel and Wendy put their backs to the wall and slid down to a sitting position, gripping their knees and gasping for breath.

“I think . . . I think we’re safe here,” Dipper said optimistically between deep gulps of breath.

“Now what do we do?” Mabel questioned.

“Well, either we go out there and defend ourselves,” Wendy began with a note of light sarcasm in her voice in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood. “Or we can just chill here until Soos finds a way to stop this problem.” 

“I like that plan better,” Mabel approved. 

Dipper nodded in agreement. 

“Okay, so we just lay low here, and no one will find us.

The silver trash can rattled and the lid flew off into the air, revealing a stocky, short man wearing a top hat and a blind fold covering his eyes and a baseball bat gripped in his fists.

“Nyahh!” 

“Agh!” The trio yelped in surprise at the sight of Toby Determined leaping out of the trash can, swinging the baseball bat literally blindly.

“Nyahh!” He shouted his war cry again. “Curse you deadly piñata! I’ll find you soon, nyahhahha!” 

He swung harder and harder before knocking the can over with one final swing, startling the trio to their feet and out the other end of the alley, fully exposed to the brainwashed inhabitants. 

Wendy gasped in fright at the sight of a familiar face across the street.

“Dad!”

There her large, burly father was, battered and bruised and covered in marks of dried crimson all around his body as he continued his brawl with the dark skinned man, both of them unrelenting in their punches. 

“Dad! Wait!” The redhead took off down the street, leaving her friends in the dust.

“Wendy! Wait!” Dipper wailed, but not willing to move from his spot and stand up to the outrageously large lumberjack. 

The redhead did, however, freeze where she was and turned to address her friends. 

“Don’t worry, guys,” she did her best to reassure her friends, but had uncertainty dripping in her tone. “He’s my dad. He won’t hurt me!”

She turned her back to them and darted to her father. 

“Wendy! Stop!” Dipper continued to scream, this time finding the will to move his feet forward, but Mabel was there to restrain him, keeping him from getting in the middle of a fight he would lose before he started. “There’s no way you can-“

SHTHUMP! SHTHUMP!

SHTHUMP! SHTHUMP!

The earth shook.

Dipper, having completely forgotten of his secret love running into what could be potentially harmful to herself, felt Mabel let go of his arm, her curiosity peaking as well. 

The two of them rotated on the spot, looking down the opposite way of the street.

All the rioting and fighting on the street was immediately pacified and all attention was turned to the direction where the twins were looking. 

SHTHUMP! SHTHUMP!

The earth shook again. 

And the answer as to what was shaking it finally came from around the corner.

A large . . . metal man.

Standing at least eight feet tall came a rusty colored machine in the generic shape of the human body. It was complete with a torso and arms and legs, but lacked a top that resembled the head. The arms were completely articulated pistons that could bend at the elbow and they ended at the hands in three large claw-like fingers. The machine, as it walked forward at a surprisingly brisk pace for its formidable size, left a large footprint behind it. 

Well that explains that, Dipper couldn’t help but think despite the situation.

With two more hulking steps forward, the machine stopped ten paces in front of the twins. A hiss was heard and the torso’s front side, and a door swung open, revealing a pod in the center of the robot full of levers and blinking buttons. But in the dead center of the pod, seated comfortably while gripping two levers on either side and pressing down on multiple pedals on the floor was . . .

“Yeheheheh! I told yeh I was building a mech suit!”

At the same time,

Soos’ feet began to ache by the time he sprinted all the way down the tunnel, the demonic chuckles growing louder and louder as he ran. 

Finally, Soos rounded the final corner that lead to the last bend, pressing his back to the wall of the cave as he did the last time that he and his friends were in here. 

The chuckles grew more violent. 

“Huehuehuehuehuehehehuehue. Look at that one! Swinging the bat around! Hey short stuff! Try taking off the blind fold! Huehuehuehehe!”

The other two hyenas followed his suit and burst into laughter of their own, igniting the rage in Soos’ chest even more. Peeking around the corner, Soos found the backsides of the hyenas facing him, each of them huddled around a single fire pit, gazing into whatever scene that satisfied their sick needs.

Soos peeked further into the cave to check for any signs of Melody, but couldn’t get a good angle. 

His heartbeat in his throat and his fingers nearly crushing the television in his grip, Soos retreated back into the tunnel and pressed his back to the wall, taking in deep gulps of air to calm his racing mind. 

His eyes closed and his breathing slowing to a calmer pace, Soos only thought of Melody and getting her safely out of this predicament. 

He took in one last gulp of air and opened his eyes. 

He stepped out from around the corner and walked into the anteroom.

He could spot the makeshift cage in his peripheral vision, and saw the blot that was lying on the ground inside of it. Her back to Soos, Melody didn’t even notice that Soos entered the room. 

And neither did the hyenas.

That was about to change. 

“Did someone call a handy man?”

Their ears perked up.

Melody’s body shot upright immediately at the sound of his voice, twisting around and replacing her negative demeanor with one of absolute joy. Soos couldn’t help but offer a shy smile of his own in return. 

The hyenas turned around and jumped in surprise. 

“Wha! It’s the fat one! How’d he get through town?!”

Ignoring the blow to his huggable size, Soos confidently stepped forward, holding the TV at his side. 

“Okay dudes,” he began, holding up the TV in the air with both hands, his thumb reaching for the switch. “It’s time for-“

Before his could finish his quip, one of the hyenas leapt forward and swatted the device out of his grasp. His heart retched at the sight of the antique TV sailing through the air, over the heads of the other hyenas, and land on the ground hard in the center of the triangle assortments of fire pits. The bottom of it took the full force of the impact, forcing the battery compartment open and sending the batteries rolling on the floor only a few inches from the partially damaged mechanism. 

Soos, his hands still above his head where he was previously holding the TV, contorted his mouth into an awkward straight line, looking from the hyena to the TV and back to the hyena again. Finally, his hands fell to his sides and he let out a nervous chuckle. 

“So, uh, you could totally be in baseball with an arm like that.”

Snarling, Soos’ opposition swiped a clawed paw toward his midsection.

Meanwhile,

Dipper instantly put himself between Mabel and McGucket, fruitlessly shielding her from the even more deranged town kook. 

The old man chuckled and pulled a few levers, walking the mech suit forward a few paces. 

“Well hobsquabble the cornfest! Turns out I didn’t need yer help to find me a fluxerator! I had a spare one in the junkyard right under the lantern deactivator! What are the chances, eh?”

Dipper and Mabel exchanged uncomfortable, worried glances.

“But now,” the resourceful hobo continued, “I’ve got this unrelenting hatred feeling in the pit of my gullet!” He shrugged. “Pretty convenient that I built this right when that happened, isn’t it? Welp! Time for smashy smashy!”

With that last cry of insanity, McGucket leaned forward in his seat, grabbed the door to the suit and slammed it shut. A moment later, the suit took two enormous steps in the twins’ direction. 

In a fit of panic, Dipper pushed Mabel out of the way, the female twin rolling on the ground, unable to watch as a gigantic foot rose over Dipper’s head. Acting on his feet, Dipper dove out of the way a moment before the foot slammed into the asphalt where he originally stood. Pulling the foot from the ground, the suit turned to where Dipper was currently, running down the sidewalk along a row of buildings. 

Acting quickly, McGucket brought the suit over to Dipper’s position, rose its arm to the side, drove it into the side of the building, and made a large, horizontal swipe. Bricks, dust, wood, and other forms of debris rained over Dipper’s head, the young detective covering his cranium with his arms to prevent any damage from coming to it. 

As soon as it stopped, Dipper immediately ran over to his sister’s side, who was still lying down on her stomach, watching in fear at her brave brother.

“Mabel! Are you okay?” He gripped under her arm and helped her to her feet. As soon as she was standing, she dusted herself off.

“I’m fine,” she assured. “Man, who’da thunk that McGucket was actually serious about that suit?”

Dipper couldn’t help but laugh at the comment. 

“I know, right? How are we going to survive with this thing on our tail?”

She shook her head, not able to offer any answer that would pacify her brother’s lingering paranoia. 

That’s when she got the idea, her eyes widening in sudden realization. 

“What?” Dipper asked. “What is it?”

In response, Mabel reached behind her and pulled out the one object she claims she never leaves without, but Dipper had yet to see it in use besides the incident with Gideon. She held up the black object over her head in triumph. 

“Grappling hook!”

Dipper eyed his sister skeptically. “Where did you pull that-“

“GRAPPLING HOOK!” She reasoned. 

SHTHUMP! SHTHUMP!

McGucket was making his way toward them in the center of the road. Mabel, in retaliation, stuck out her tongue, closed one eye, and took aim at the suit. 

She pulled the trigger.

The hook went flying from the barrel, the cord being fed directly behind it, only for it to plink harmlessly on the suit’s shoulder and fall to the ground, the cord falling along with it and coiling on the pavement. Mabel, disappointed by the outcome, pressed a button and the cord was reeled back into the barrel, followed quickly by the hook itself, locking back into place.

Dipper looked to his sister.

“Was that your only plan? Or . . .”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s about as far as I got,” she admitted. 

McGucket took another step closer to them. Dipper threw himself in front of his sister once more.

He was expecting to feel the crushing impact of the metal foot over his head. What he wasn’t expecting was to hear the droning noise of a small engine come from around the corner of a building. 

All attention was turned to Stan in the shack’s golf cart, still pursued closely by Poolcheck. Stan, showing no sign of surprise at the sight of the mech suit, floored the cart forward, directly towards McGucket. 

With a few hisses and metallic clicks, the suit faced the cart head on, but was too late to act as Stan steered out of the way and skidded to a stop ten feet behind it.

Poolcheck, on the other hand, was not as lucky. 

Unable to act in time, both arms of the suit reached down and clamped over the front end of the six wheeler. The sudden loss of momentum throwing Poolcheck chest-first into the steering wheel, McGucket lifted the six wheeler with ease, wound backwards, and tossed it forward, throwing Poolcheck out of the driver’s seat and rolling on the asphalt, rising perfectly to his feet, which gave him just enough time to watch his vehicle sail overhead and land in a crumpled mess in front of him.

Another tear of manliness crawling down his face, Poolcheck faced the suit and pointed at it with his handless arm.

“You . . . are not . . . welcome to my pool.”

With that, he turned away and ran, somehow knowing that this fight was one that even the meanest of frowns could not win. 

Meanwhile, Dipper and Mabel quickly ran to their great uncle’s side as he stepped out of the cart. 

“Sweet mother of Gilgamesh! What the heck happened here?!”

McGucket’s mecha suit turned around and took three large, lumbering steps towards them, his crotchety laugh could be heard from inside the metal beast. 

Stan squinted his eyes in curiosity. “Is that McGucket?”

“Yep,” his nephew confirmed. “Turns out he was serious about that whole mech suit thing. Any ideas on how to stop it?” 

SHTHUMP! SHTHUMP!

The giant robot leaning down, one arm reared behind and swiped forward. Stan, Dipper and Mabel ducked and allowed the arm to pass over them and crash into the cart, knocking it to its side and damaging it. 

Stan stood back up and twisted around to see the wreckage of his vehicle. “My cart . . .” he whimpered. 

SHTHUMP!

“Duck!” Stan shouted, gripping his niece and nephew around the shoulders and hurling the three of them forward and between the legs of McGucket’s machine and to the other side of it, facing the backside, full of working parts and moving gears with smoke rising from the spaces in between. 

“Okay kids,” his gruff voice lowered to a serious tone. “I think this one’s out of our hands now. It’s up to Soos.”

The moment the words left his mouth, he couldn’t believe that he was putting his faith in him.

At the same time,

Soos only just managed to jump out of the way of the swiping paw, the hyena staggering forward to regain his balance. As soon as he did, he stood up straight and snarled angrily at the handy man, raising another paw . . . only for a tiny rock to fly through the air and knock harmlessly against his skull.

Turning, he found the source of the flying rock in Melody, whose arm was still forward from having hurtled it to her captor, her fearful expression having been replaced with the bravest one she could muster for the time being. 

Using the distraction to his advantage, Soos took out the hammer from his tool belt and rose it over his head and slammed it down on the hyena’s foot. Yelping in pain, the hyena began hopping on its one hind leg and howling in agony. 

Taking his chance, Soos ran forward and pushed the unbalanced captor backwards, barreling into his brothers, knocking them all to the ground in a crumpled heap of hairy limbs. Nodding in satisfaction, Soos ran around the pile of hyenas and into the center of the triangle, only for one hairy arm to reach forward and grab Soos around his ankles, falling flat on his face, coming up just short of the scattered device that could potentially save the town.

He could feel himself being pulled backward toward the crumpled heap of hyenas, his arms sprawling in front of him and grasping the dirt in a feeble attempt to pull himself away.

He didn’t even have to look the other direction to tell that Melody was currently gripping the bars of her cage and leaning as far forward as they allowed her to, desperately attempting to break free and assist her savior. 

The arm pulled him closer to them and farther away from the TV.

Melody gasped and shrieked to Soos, “Soos! The fire pit!” 

His eyes widening in understanding, Soos looked behind him to see that the pile of now frustrated, fighting hyena brothers were piled next to a fire pit. 

The hammer still in his grasp, Soos held it in front of his face, held his arm behind him and concentrated harder than he ever has before. 

“We’ve got you now, fat man!” The hyena that currently held his ankle with a death grip wailed triumphantly, but was unprepared for what Soos did next.

Taking aim, Soos stuck out his tongue in concentration and lobbed the hammer forward.

Time seemed to slow down the moment after he let it loose.

The hammer and its handle spiraled an innumerable amount of times before it crashed into the hearth, knocking it down and spilling a few searing hot embers on top of the crumpled brothers. 

The scent of singed fur and burned skin immediately made itself present in the anteroom almost as fast as the blood curdling yelps of pain. 

The paw released his ankle. 

Scrambling to his hands and knees, Soos crawled forward to the TV and clumsily took it in his grasp. Turning its back to him, he had almost forgotten about the vacant batteries that were now scattered about on the floor. 

The hyenas rose to their feet.

Soos gasped in horror and scrambled forward, his hands trembling as he collected the remaining two double A batteries in his grasp and fumbling as he put them back into place.

“Get him!” 

The hyena brothers charged forward. 

Soos put the batteries into place and sealed the back shut.

He flicked the switch.

FWIP!

The screen sparked to life, presenting a fuzzy black and white image of an old World War II movie, complete with gunfire and explosions. 

Rotating on his back, Soos closed his eyes and held the TV in front of him.

He was expecting to feel multiple claws against his stomach, tearing him open piece by piece. 

He wasn’t expecting to not feel anything at all.

Peeking one eye open, Soos looked forward and was shocked to see each of the hyenas gazing in an almost hypnotized trance into the screen. 

One of them jumped in surprise. 

“What? What is this? How are these tiny people doing this inside that tiny box?”

Smirking, Soos rose to his feet and held the TV farther in front of him, the hyenas backing up in a combination of paranoia and confusion.

“It’s called television,” Soos answered. “One of the greatest inventions in the history of man.”

The hyena in the middle, Soos was guessing it was Ludoficious, shrugged nonchalantly. “Seems pretty dumb.”

Soos held up a finger. “Give it a minute,” he instructed. 

He turned up the volume.

An explosion rocked the screen, making his audience flinch in surprise and burst into chuckles. 

“D-Did you see that?! That man was blown to bits!”

His confidence in his plan increasing, Soos changed the channel to what appeared to be a man and two women, fighting for some indiscernible reason. 

The hyena to the left of the formation let out a skeptical raspberry. “Who does he think he’s kidding? He can’t possibly keep both!”

Soos changed the channel again. Then again, and again and again after that, each channel bringing some form of delight into their eyes. 

Soos turned to Melody’s direction and was ecstatic to find a bright, tooth bared smile on her face. 

He changed the channel one more time and this time, he noticed something different. 

The eyes of Maximus began to droop and Soos could see his arms begin to weigh him down, his body swaying back and forth in sleepiness.

Soon after, Parioucious began to yawn, covering his massive chops with one paw. 

Ludoficious, growing wise to Soos’ plan, looked from the TV to his brothers, then back to the TV before his eyes shot open in realization.

“Brothers! No! Don’t fall for it! He’s trying to-“

Looking back to his side, Ludoficious found Maximus curled into a ball on the floor, snoring happily to himself. As if on cue, the fireplace to their left was extinguished, sending a small plume of smoke into the air before it vanished.

“Plarioucious!” Ludoficious wailed in an attempt to snap his remaining brother from the trance. “Be strong! We’re not-“

Before he could finish, his other brother fell backwards onto his back and began snoring upon impact.

POOF.

The next fireplace went out.

Ludoficious, the only remaining one of the brothers, snarled at the handy man, still holding the TV in his hands that once again displayed the war movie.

“You must think you’re so clever, don’t you?” The towering hyena took two steps toward Soos, who backed up in a fit of panic. 

“But let me assure you, I’m not as weak as my brothers. I won’t . . . I won’t . . .” His speech began to slur, his arms hung in front of him lazily, his eyes drooped. He yawned. “I won’t go down as . . . easily . . .” 

With one more step forward, the towering hyena collapsed to his knees before falling onto his stomach, his eyes closing before he reached the ground. He was snoring peacefully. 

Soos, smirking, turned off the TV and put it into a pocket in his tool belt. 

The last fireplace went out, the only light in the anteroom now being the lit lanterns hanging off the walls.

“Sorry guys,” he crossed his arms. “Gravity Falls TV is canceled.”

Meanwhile,

Stan and the kids were cornered against the wall of a building, no form of escape in sight. 

McGucket’s large mechanical suit took two more lumbering steps forward. Stan crouched down, threw his arms protectively around their shoulders and held them tight. 

They closed their eyes. 

The metallic footsteps ceased. 

They opened their eyes.

In front of them, the mech suit stood frozen in place, as if McGucket had flat out lost interest in his newest victims. The three of them exchanged quick worried, confused glances before the door to the suit swung open, revealing its now woozy pilot, who was swaying in his seat and clutched his forehead as if he had just encountered a serious head rush. 

“Eh? Wha . . . What the conflabbit happened?” 

Leaning too far forward in his seat, McGucket fell from it and landed on his back on the pavement. Struggling to rise to his feet, McGucket used the foot of his robot as stabilization and rose shakily to his feet. 

Stan, a sense of outrage roaring in his gut, rolled up his sleeves and approached the confused old man, gripped the collar of his torn up shirt and lifted him off the ground, bringing his face uncomfortably close to his own, baring his teeth and growling in a tone for only the two of them to hear.

“I thought you learned your lesson last time about building doomsday machines, old man.”

McGucket shrugged and chuckled dryly in reply. 

“What can I say? I’m deranged! Yeheheh!” He proclaimed proudly, throwing his arms in the air. 

Stan, done with the elderly man, dropped him to the ground with a thud. Getting onto his hands and feet like an animal, he galloped away, grunting and yelping wildly as he disappeared behind around the corner of an alley. 

In between the legs of the mech suit, the remaining trio could see the inhabitants of their home in the same state McGucket was previously in; woozy and disoriented, either bending over forward and holding themselves on their knees or leaning against a wall, gasping for breath, each of their bodies battered and bruised and marked from some sort of scuffle they were in just a moment ago. 

Stan scratched his head in confusion. 

“The heck? What just happened?”

The only one of the group who offered any sort of answer was Mabel, whose face immediately lit up with a wide, brace-filled grin.

“Soos!”

At the same time,

It was a good few minutes after Ludoficious collapsed in an exhausted heap and fell asleep on the spot before anything happened next.

Soos was momentarily afraid that there was another step that he didn’t know of that had to be done to completely break the spell. 

But before he even spoke, he noticed the forms of the hyenas begin to become transparent. Their chests were still rising and falling peacefully as Soos could begin to see through their bodies.

A moment later, their forms faded even more, then more after that, and then they were gone completely.

Soos saluted the spot where they were originally.

“See you guys in another hundred years.”

Immediately after, Soos and Melody noticed the walls around them begin to lose their color as well. They could see hints of the trees of the outside world begin to materialize until it completely overtook their dank environment, replacing the humid cave with the cool breeze of the forest. 

Not a minute later, the entire anteroom and cave vanished and the two of them were standing alone in the forest in the dead center of the clearing where the entrance to the cave was. 

The two of them stood in complete silence for a few moments, only looking at each other’s eyes before Melody’s face lit up the entire forest with one of her famous smiles that melted Soos’ heart. 

Not a full second after, Soos smiled back and held out his arms, inviting Melody to an embrace which she happily complied to. 

At full speed, Melody ran forward, scattered leaves and twigs crunching beneath her feet as she did and literally threw herself at Soos. He caught her and brought her in close, hugging her tightly, burying his face into the crook of her neck, taking in her earthy smell and feeling completely at ease. 

Soos released her and set her to her feet. 

Melody, her smile not once wavering, chuckled and cupped Soos’ face with both hands. 

“One of these days, we’ve gotta go on a date that doesn’t put us both in danger.”

Soos chuckled. “What? And miss out on whatever adventure that we could face together? I like that option more.”

Melody beamed at her Soos in shining armor before throwing herself to him once again, crashing her lips to his.

This time, nothing was preventing Soos from returning it and enjoying every second of it.


	8. The Part Where it Ends

It didn’t take long for the two of them to make it back to town.

Sure, Soos may know the entire area like the back of his hand despite his lack of experience in the woods in the first place, but the rising white smoke didn’t hurt either. 

The dense layers of leaves up above the loves truck couple may have blocked off most of the view of the sky, but it didn’t have to take an MIT graduate to know that the smoke is where their destination was. 

Neither of them spoke a single word on the way there. 

They were more than content on simply enjoying each other’s company without exchanging witty anecdotes or doing other disgusting romantic gestures for the duration of their small trek back to town, the only source of sound being the miscellaneous crunches and snaps of twigs beneath their feet. 

After a few minutes of trekking through the woods, they finally broke through the foliage and onto the street where Soos entered.

They were both disheartened and relieved to be back in town. 

The duo was disheartened to see the destruction that had festered in their town during their absence had gotten substantially worse. Holes decorated the brick walls. Cars were crashed into light poles. Cracks littered the asphalt. Toby Determined was hanging upside down on a telephone wire by his shoes.

“Nyahh . . .” He whined. “Pardon me fer asking, but where did the gravity in Gravity Falls go?”

Hand in hand, Soos and Melody walked down the street, looking up and down at the town with concern. 

Her heart sank at each sight.

She was the cause of all of this.

She was the one who brought this plague to their town.

This was all her fault. 

Soos did his best to put on a comforting small for her, but his attempt imploded on itself once he saw her shameful gaze falter to the ground. She continued walking forward, using Soos as her guide.

Not wishing to see her blaming herself for this, Soos put on another brave smile, cupped her chin, and lifted her remorseful gaze with his warm, forgiving one, counteracting her pangs of negativity and reigniting a spark of optimism in the pit of her heart. 

“Let’s go find the others,” Soos offered tenderly, no judgement detected in his tone.

Just pure, genuine tenderness.

She let out a heavy sigh, looked up, offered him her own small smile, and nodded. 

The two walked in silence once more after that, passing by the numerous civilians, each of them still woozy from the after effects of the spell.

Soos did his best not to flinch in a spastic fit of panic at the sight of Mister Poolcheck. 

His fears were immediately put to rest once he saw the pool keeper displayed no interest in harming them whatsoever. He was currently preoccupied sitting on the hood of his damaged six wheeler, knees tucked to his chest and his shoulders heaving uncontrollably as he wailed, clutching his prosthetic hand with his one good one, wiping away his tears with it. 

He looked up to the sky, sniffed, and shouted at the top of his lungs.

“I’ve disrespected the code of the pool!” 

Melody looked curiously at the pool man, but was unable to do so once Soos gripped her shoulders and moved her forward. 

“Don’t make eye contact. It’ll only make him more crazy.”

As soon as he was sure the two of them were a safe enough distance away from him, Soos slowed their pace down and rounded a corner, where they found more woozy citizens, each of them muttering some crazy experience they shared while under the spell.

“Hey man, that wasn’t cool. I’m . . . I’m sorry.”

“Who crashed my car?!”

“Somebody stole my yacht! But they left the jet skis! What kind of cruel man does that?!”

While they were walking along the street, Soos managed to catch a sight that nearly made him begin blubbering like an infant in front of the love of his life.

Sitting on the sidewalk was the notoriously large Manly Dan. 

When Soos last saw him, he was brawling with another large citizen, each of them exchanging equally looking painful blows on the other.

Now, his body tattered and covered in bumps and bruises and marked with dry patches of crimson on his lower lip and forearms, was currently wrapping a certain fifteen year old red head in his large arms, holding her close and rocking gently back and forth. The only part of Wendy that was visible amongst the large mass of plaid and muscle was her head, digging her face into the crook of his neck protectively. 

She didn’t even flinch as her father planted multiple kisses to the top of her head.

“My little Lumberjack Princess,” he planted another peck on her forehead. “I’d never, ever, ever hurt you.”

A genuine smile finally managed to crawl its way onto Soos’ face at the sight.

The duo took another few paces forward before Soos noticed the quiet pitter patter that seemed to get louder. 

Squinting in confusion, Soos looked forward and saw a purple blur leap from the ground and sail through the air and wrap its tiny arms around his belly as far as she could.

“Soos!” Mabel cried out happily. “You did it!”

Soos had no choice but to return his young friend’s embrace, wrapping his large arms around Mabel’s small frame. 

“I knew you could do it!” She continued, letting go and hopping to the ground, throwing jabs and quick punches at Soos’ shin. “I bet you had to fight em with your bare fists, am I right?!”

Melody couldn’t help but release a small series of chuckles at the praise Soos was receiving. Another set of pitter patters was heard and all turned to see Dipper and Stan rushing up to their position, glee and exhaust evident on their features. 

“Soos!” Dipper panted, “You . . . you did it, man!” He released a large puff of air and put his hands on his knees for support.

Stan walked past his great nephew and stood next to Soos, his mouth a straight line before it twisted into a small smile, one that Soos wasn’t able to see that often from his employer. “Uh, S-Soos, I, er, don’t really say this that often, but . . .” He trailed off, inadvertently teasing Soos’ expectations.

Releasing a strangled sigh, Stan continued. 

“Good job, Soos. You really pulled through for us on this one.” 

Soos’ eyes widened and his heart swelled with pride. He had to fight the heat making its way to his face as well as the moisture building up behind his eyes. 

Before he could properly thank the old man for the compliment, Stan pressed his hand to his chest and let out loud, mocking wheezing noises. 

“Whoa! Now I remember why I don’t give compliments anymore. Is . . . Is anyone else feeling like they’re about to cough up their own stomach?”

The group ignored Stan’s dramatics and directed their attention to the still-smoldering town in front of them. 

It was at that moment that Melody remembered that all of this was still her fault and couldn’t help but allow the monstrous wave of guilt wash over her conscience, sweeping away what little left she had of her optimism and replaced it with a desolate, empty, desert of remorse. 

She stepped away from her friends and took about ten paces forward down the road, letting the new environment of the destroyed town of Gravity Falls fully sink in. 

Soos, picking up on her sadness, broke away from his friends and made his way behind Melody, placing his comforting hands on her shoulders, alarming her out of her session of self-loathing and back into reality. 

Looking over her shoulder, she couldn’t help but feel that same pang of guilt as she looked at Soos’ warm smile. 

After everything that had happened . . .

After everything that she had caused . . .

After everything that she had destroyed . . .

How was it possible that Soos still felt the same way about her?

Before she could get the opportunity to verbalize her curiosity, her voice died in her mouth as soon as Soos’ aura of forgiveness overtook her and put her mind at ease. 

Soos released her shoulders and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. Melody let out a contempt sigh and hugged Soos’ arms tightly, tilting the side of her head so it was resting against Soos’ closing her eyes all the while. 

Despite the current circumstances, she couldn’t possibly feel more at peace . . .

It was nice while it lasted, however, because of Soos’ clumsiness, resulting in the two of them to lose their balance and fall forward onto the pavement, Soos somehow able to redirect the trajectory of their fall so that it resulted in him landing flat on his back while Melody bounced harmlessly on his belly. 

Soos grunted in pain, rubbing the back of his head and hissed through his teeth. Melody, her hand hovering over her mouth, leaned forward and inspected Soos’ head for any damage.

She was relieved to hear the sound of small chuckling escaping his lips, accompanied by small heaves in his chest. At that point, Melody couldn’t help but fall into her own fit of laughter as well. 

A few moments later, it was just the two of them, laughing and giggling and snorting uncontrollably. Another moment after that, two small, blunt object hurled themselves onto Soos’ abdomen as well, making him release a loud “OOF,” of discomfort. 

His spastic laughter interrupted for the moment, Soos looked down to see Dipper and Mabel completing their miniature dogpile, wrapping their arms around him in an effort to stay on top as the two of them fell under their own fit of laughter. 

Upon seeing this, Soos’ laughter returned full force. He collected each person on his belly in his grasp and held them closely to his chest, never once wavering from his laughter. 

They remained like that for what seemed like a small eternity.

And Soos wouldn’t change any of it for the world.

Two weeks later,

As Soos predicted, it didn’t take the town long to recover from the spell.

It really only took a few days for the town to recuperate from the attack, but it would take much longer than that to repair all of the damage along town. 

The sky was once again crystal clear, not a trace of red nor pillars of smoke to be found. 

But all that meant was that the damage was even more apparent. 

There were holes in every other building.

There were sidewalks that were devoid of street lights.

There was a previously bolted down mailbox that was now permanently dented with two feet marks lying on its backside on the street. 

But Soos and the gang knew the town better than most. They knew that it would take merely a month to repair it all and for everything to return to normal.

But for the time being, it was hard to do so. 

That didn’t stop the Mystery Shack’s inhabitants from doing their best to returning to normal. 

If none of them knew better, they could’ve sworn that it actually was.

The tourists were still coming in full force, each of them eager to spend their hard-earned money on the cheap novelties and trinkets that they had to offer. 

Stan resumed his tours amongst the property. This time, he brought them out to the spot in the woods where Melody summoned the ‘flea bags’, declaring it as ground zero of the spell. 

The work days for the shack have been gradually getting faster and faster, which made none of them complain, as it gave each of them more time to spend with one another. 

And more time for Soos to spend with Melody. 

But Soos was secretly dreading her upcoming visit in a few minutes. 

The shack closed an hour ago, but each of its employees were still accounted for. 

Soos, Wendy, and the Pines twins were waiting for Melody’s arrival. Soos was absentmindedly sweeping the floor of the shack, either spreading the dust to other parts of the floor, or not even picking it up. 

Wendy was sitting at the desk, reading a magazine with a fresh stick of gum in her mouth. 

Dipper and Stan were watching the most recent episode of Duck-Tective in the living room.

Mabel declared she did not wish to be disturbed, locking herself in their bedroom and working on her most recent project. 

Finally, a series of knocks was heard from the door. 

Soos set the broom to the side and slowly made his way to the front door. 

He should be excited to answer the door and be face to face once again with the woman of his dreams once again . . . but after their last encounter, she warned that she would possibly be the bearer of bad news. 

And Soos knew what that might be.

Soos gripped the knob, let out a sigh, turned to look at Wendy who was showing him a genuine smile of comfort, looked back to the door, and opened it. 

His suspicion was confirmed as he found Melody standing there, with not a smile, but a shallow frown. As soon as the door opened, she replaced the frown with a small smile accompanied with the signature glint in her gaze.

Soos couldn’t help but give a small smile of his own in return. 

He gestured her inside and she sheepishly complied. 

As soon as she entered, she sighed and looked to Soos. 

“My boss called. The after effects of the spell must be affecting him too. He just called me back to Portland first thing tomorrow.”

I knew it, Soos thought to himself. 

“He said he wasn’t sure what came over him to have me transferred over here. Now he’s understaffed and needs me back there.”

Soos lowered his now saddened gaze to the floor.

A few moments after, he felt her two, incredibly soft hands cup underneath his chin and lift his gaze to her brave smile.

“Hey, we both knew this was going to happen sooner or later.” 

“Yeah, I know, dude. But that doesn’t mean I want it to.”

She smiled.

“Melody’s here?” Dipper’s voice came from behind. 

The inhabitants of the tourist-less gift shop looked to the entrance to the living room to find Dipper standing there, his inquisitively scrunched eyebrow raised in surprise and his face lit up at the sight of Melody. 

“Melody! Hey!” 

She offered him a small wave. 

After another moment of silence, they each heard the sound of clunking footsteps coming down the stairs. Dipper jumped back in alarm and yielded to his sister, who was all but a teal blur as she zoomed around the corner with an orange object in her grasp. She slid to a stop at their feet and held up her gift.

“Melody!” She screeched. “I made this for you!” 

The previous negative feelings she was feeling at having told Soos the bad news instantly vanished and was replaced with her heart melting. 

It was a homemade and sloppily stitched orange sweater, decorated with a large pink heart in the center of it. In the middle of the heart was the likeness of Soos and Melody, both of them looking into each other’s eyes and smiling. On the outside of the heart were the faces of herself, Dipper, Wendy and Stan, all of them holding tickets for the ‘friend ship’.

She had to fight back the tears welling in her eyes almost by force. 

“Mabel . . .” She held up the sweater to her eyelevel. “You made this?”

The tween nodded vigorously. “Yep! I didn’t know what size you were so I just did the usual medium. Do you like it?” She asked uncharacteristically shyly, folding her hands behind her back and shuffling one foot. 

Melody folded the sweater in her arms and held it tightly to her chest. 

“I love it, Mabel.” She leaned down and rustled Mabel’s hair, her brace filled smile all but lighting up the room. “I’ll be sure to wear it all the time back in Portland.” 

She covered her mouth with her hand at her slip up, Mabel’s smile vanishing quicker than a candle being blown out. 

“You-You’re going back to Portland?”

Dipper came up beside his sister at the same time as Wendy exited her position behind the desk and leaned against the front. 

“I’m sorry,” Melody said softly. “I didn’t mean to tell you this way. I got the call yesterday from my boss. They need me back at Meat Cute by tomorrow.”

The twins simultaneously dropped their now depressed gazes to the floor. 

For a while, the entire room was filled with a pregnant silence that dominated their thoughts. 

“But I thought you really liked it here, Melody,” Mabel whined. 

“I do!” Melody defended herself. “I do! I really do. If it were up to me . . . I would absolutely move here in a heartbeat. But I can’t. That doesn’t mean that I won’t visit though,” she topped off her hot dish of a disappointing announcement with a small dollop of optimism that hopefully lifted the kids’ spirits. 

Thankfully . . . It appeared to work on Mabel. 

“Well, do you know what this means?” She asked with a hint of mischievousness in her tone. “That means that we have to fit an entire summer’s worth of events into one evening! And that day is today, people!” She declared, throwing her pointer finger upward.

Wendy, who was still leaning against the desk with her arms crossed, couldn’t help but laugh at her young friend’s outburst. 

“You know, that’s not a bad idea,” Wendy admitted. “We could just travel all around town and do whatever we feel like.”

“That’s a great idea!” Soos agreed. “We could go to the arcade and not bring a homicidal A.I. to life.” 

“We could go to the beach again!” Mabel suggested. 

“We could go back to the mall, too,” Dipper continued the brainstorm. “Maybe you guys could do some-“

“Karaoke!” His twin sister interrupted enthusiastically, throwing her stubby arms in the air. “You hear that, Grunkle Stan? Love Control Alpha is back!”

“I want no part of anything that has to do with that!” Their great uncle’s gruff voice was heard from the other room.

Melody looked around the room at her closest friends in the world and held the sweater closer to her chest. 

Mabel continued her over the top proclamation of karaoke. 

“Let’s try this again, people. When I say Kara, you say oke!” She paused. “Kara!”

“Oke!” The room replied. 

Mabel let out an astonished gasp.

“It worked!” She sprinted to the door as fast as her tiny legs could carry her and swung it open, holding it ajar for her friends. “Move it people! While the night is young!” 

Dipper and Wendy exchanged a glance and a smile before complying, making their way to the door side by side and exiting with Mabel in tow behind them.

The door closed, leaving Melody and Soos alone in the room.

She cleared her throat. 

“Well, I guess we better get moving too, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Soos nodded in agreement. 

Melody was still able to detect sadness in Soos’ tone. 

Her heart aching, she gripped his hand and squeezed it tightly and comfortingly. Soos looked down to her and couldn’t help but return the squeeze.

“I don’t want you to go . . .” Soos almost whispered loud enough for her to hear.

“I know. And I don’t want to leave. But hey, that doesn’t mean we can’t still video chat every week, right?”

“It’s still not the same.” 

All traces of sadness immediately fled from Melody’s system and was replaced with a determined urge to nullify her quote unquote boyfriend’s sadness. 

“Look at me,” she demanded. 

His eyes widening in surprise, Soos did as he was told. 

“I don’t know about you, but these past few days have been the best of my life. I know that a lot of people exaggerate when they say that, but I mean it.” 

“But-“

“I’m not done!” She shushed him. She took a deep breath and continued. “I did an unforgiveable thing to you, Soos. To this entire town! I did something very selfish and you never once backed down from trying to stop it. But besides that, you’ve gone out of your way to make me feel welcome in this town more so than any other person than I’ve met in my entire life. Soos, you let me join you on so many off your adventures and you put me above anything else. No one’s ever done anything like that for me.” 

Even if Soos wanted to interrupt her at this point, he couldn’t due to his current loss of words.

“You sang for me, you’ve introduced me to so many new people, you are the most incredible person I’ve ever met . . . No, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” she corrected herself again before she contorted her expression into one of deep thought once more. “I take that back. Soos . . . You are the most beautiful human being I’ve ever known and ever will know. You helped me live in less than a week in more ways than I’ve ever done in my entire life. And that’s something I’ll never forget.”

Soos’ previously slack jaw repaired itself in an instant, allowing a smile to crawl on his face. 

“I want to stay here more than anything. But if all I get are these last few days, then I have nothing to complain about, because I was able to spend all of them with you.” 

She closed the gap in between them and threw her arms around his neck, giving his mouth a quick peck before fully embracing him. 

Soos sank into the hug and returned it. 

He didn’t care his heart was pounding so hard that it felt like it was physically pushing Melody away, he didn’t care that an unstoppable wave of heat washed over his face.

He could care less if a fifteen mile wide meteor struck the earth in their exact spot in fact.

Everything he could ever want . . . he finally had.

The two of them broke their embrace and made their way to the door, closing it silently behind them to the awaiting Dipper, Mabel and Wendy . . . Not even realizing that Stan was standing in the entrance to the living room in his white top and boxers with an empty can of Pitt Cola in his fist.

“Yeesh,” he shuddered in disgust. “Who turned on the Fallmark channel?”


End file.
